I want to scream and cry and throw things

The fact that this morning I was unable to move much less get out of bed has me a little terrified.  I went to bed last night with a really sore low back and hip, and woke up this morning in a world of hurt.  Actually, I woke up this morning whimpering pathetically and begging my husband to bring me Advil, but we’ll pretend like I was more of a trooper than that.

Obviously, I have a doctor’s appointment as soon as they could fit me in, tomorrow morning at 9 a.m.

Texted my coach to let him know what’s going on and he thinks it’s muscular.   I’m hoping that he’s right, though I’m having trouble believing that this is simple muscle soreness.  At best I believe I have an injury and have pulled or torn something, at worse I’m concerned about a herniated disc.

The thing that has me the most terrified is that I cannot point out to you where it hurts.  My lower back is screaming and every time I move or even breathe it’s painful, but I can’t rub on the sore spot.  The pain is also radiating into my left hip, and as the day goes on, down my leg.

I’m certain the fact that I’m absolutely freaking out isn’t doing anything to help with my perceived level of pain either.

I’ve spent the better part of the day worrying about what will happen if I can’t do Crossfit or cycle, how I will continue to lose weight, and a million other things.

Luckily, every time I get too far into my headspace I get the urge to move, which promptly makes me feel like I am going to cry or vomit or both, so I’m not going too crazy.

For now, everyone cross fingers that this is something that is easily healed and overcome.  If not, stay tuned for the contingency plan because I WILL heal and I will not lose any momentum on my goals.


Warm Up- Changed it up a bit today.

500 row
Walking Lunges, high knees butt kicks, side lunges, 3 wall walks, 5 kipping swings, t swings, scorpions, 10 burpees.

I liked this.  It was a great combo of the old warm up and new.  Only thing I missed were the sit ups.

SWOD: Clean Deadlift- ie deadlifting with a more upright back like you would if you were going to Clean.


1×5@ 53 warm up
4×5@103 Cranky left hip today so I didn’t want to add any weight, though I’m sure I could have done another 10 pretty easily.


50 box jumps –then-

10 toes to bar
15 push ups

Time: 9:53

Really happy with myself on this one.  I did a combo of step ups and box jumps, 25 of each.  Usually I would just stick with step ups, but my foot felt great so I wanted to do the jumps too.

My toes still don’t go to the bar, but I made sure that every rep I was keeping shoulders down and working on tilting my pelvis and not just lifting my knees.

Push ups still suck, but it was a fun WOD.


Warm Up- Usual + some serious foam rolling of the bootay.

SWOD: Back Squat

4×5 (was supposed to be 5×5 but we ran out of time)
1×10@ 33 warm up
1×5 @ 53
1×5 @ 63
1×5 @ 73
1×5 @ 83

83 was heavy, but I wish I would have had time for another set.  83 was my PR back in February and I’m positive I could have done 93 for a set of 5.

Although, it would have made the WOD that much more brutal, so maybe it was a blessing in disguise.


3 minutes max kb swings
Rest 2 min
2 minutes mas burpees
Rest 1 minute
1 minute max air squats
Rest 3 minutes

KB: 73
Burpees: 39
Air Squats: 53

I did 3 less swings, one less burpee and one more air squat on the second round than on the first.  Overall, I wasn’t thrilled with my scores, but I was happy that I kept them close in the two rounds once fatigue set in.

I did the kb swings Rx, and wasn’t happy with my reps three at all.  The strange thing was, my HANDS were my limiter there.  They just flat hurt.   And were SO sweaty.  I felt like I was working twice as hard as usual to just not let the kb go flying.

But whatever, it’s over.  That was a super awesome week of training.  I am glad that we’re back to regularly scheduled hard as hell kick my butt programming.

The incredible shrinking woman

I believe that everyone on a weight loss journey has something in their closet that they keep around to try on to see how close they are to being able to fit in it.  For me, it is a fabulous pair of jeans.

I bought these a few years back, Lucky Brand, got them on a great sale and loved them.  They fit me like a glove, and were my go to jeans to wear on my “skinny” days.

As the weight began creeping on I had convinced myself that the setting on the dryer was too high and they were getting shrunk, or that I was just bloated because I was pmsing, and always believed that one day they would fit perfectly again.

The last time I wore them was January 2012.  I remember this because it was my besties 40th birthday and I was uncomfortable sitting by the bonfire because my pants were so tight they were cutting into my fat rolls with venomous rage.

After that night, I retired the pants.  The weight gain didn’t stop there however, and by the time I found Crossfit in August of 2012, I had gone up an additional two pants sizes.  Those jeans, while still loved, were just a fond memory to me.

About two months ago I decided to try them on again, and was both thrilled and disappointed that I wasn’t able to get them over my ass.

Thrilled, you see, because previously I had not been able to pull them above my knees (and yes, I tried) without risking ripping them in two.  Disappointed because, they still did not fit, regardless of the progress I knew myself to be making.

This morning, as I was getting dressed for work on “casual Friday” I pulled on my normal jeans and frowned at myself in the mirror.  They are huge.  And droopy.  I look like I had a load in my pants.

I pulled the coveted Lucky jeans out of the drawer.

My husband eyed me suspiciously in the bedroom mirror.  “Baby,” he said, “don’t try those on.  You are always so hard on yourself when they don’t fit.”

But I growled at him and did it anyway.  I wanted to see how far I had come.  I wanted a taste of how close I was, I wanted to know how much further I had to go.

And suddenly…  Over the ass, around the waist, button and zip without a thought.  And what’s more… they’re a little baggy in the bum.

There may or may not have been a solid 5 minute happy dance in my bedroom where I rewrote the lyrics to “Baby got Back” to reflect my success.

There are still a great many goals to realize… and yet another pair of smaller jeans to fit into.  But man, does this feel good.

Tastes even sweeter than the chocolate I haven’t been eating.

Would someone hand me my cape please?

wonder woman

You know what’s pretty sweet?  When you’re actually able to do something that means something with the fitness you’ve built.

Last night, after much deliberation and even more bitching and whining, I decided to join my cycling group for a ride.  I had bailed on a colleague/cyclist/friend of mine a few times, and didn’t want to be “that girl” again.  I also needed the spin to loosen my legs from the torturous lunges that had been inflicted on me that morning.

So I went.

Boy am I glad I did.  At about 10 miles in friend hit what we think was a large rock.  Or an armadillo humping a porcupine.  Either way, it did something not so good to his tire.  Usually, when there is an issue with a tire, it’s actually just a flat tube and is easy to change out.  We all carry spares and in 5 minutes can be back on the road.

In this instance, the monstrosity he hit actually ripped open part of the tire, causing an issue that wasn’t easily fixed.

He was a trooper and continued riding, even though there was this bulging thing happening and it wasn’t exactly a smooth ride.  But at 10 miles in, and 10 miles away from home, he didn’t have much of a choice.

At 15 miles in, on the ONLY sweet downhill we get on the whole route, it went from bad to worse.  The tire pretty much exploded, and while there were no fantastic flying-over- the-handlebars gymnastics, the bike was no longer rideable.  There wasn’t a tire repair kit in the world that was going to bring that back to life, and we were still 5 miles out from our cars if we went straight back, and 10 miles left in the usual ride.

*Cue superhero music*

I have a bike rack on my car that can hold more than one bike, and decided that if I wanted to call him a friend I couldn’t just make him walk 5 miles back with his flat tire and cycling cleats on.  I took off without the group (which is much harder riding), and rode the FASTEST 5 miles OF MY LIFE.

Every time my legs got tiered or I got a little gassed I just reminded myself that someone was stranded on the side of the road waiting for me, it was getting dark out, and he would undoubtedly do the same for me.

So I pushed on.

In the end, I averaged over 20 mph on those last 5 miles, which is faster than I am typically able to ride with a group.

And my friend didn’t get raped and murdered by some backwoods hillbilly that thought his spandex were pretty.

So it was a win win all the way around.



Warm Up- Usual

Mobility- stretch glutes, thank GOD since after the WOD yesterday plus cycling last night my ass has pretty much disowned me.


Double Unders.  Which still elude me.  I only threw my rope down once, but man it’s frustrating whipping yourself in the ass repeatedly and not getting anywhere.

Coach kept saying “it’s like patting your head and rubbing your tummy at the same time.”  Yeah, thanks… can’t do that one either.

I also can’t do the Spok “live long and prosper” fingers to save my life.  But I suppose that’s a post for another time.


100m farmers carry
30 push ups
30 DU’s

Time: 10:34 with 20 lbs dumbells, blue band for push ups so I could do them on my toes the whole time, and SU’s.

Coach tried to get me to use heavier weights, and I complained enough that he let me go with the 20s.  Yeah, shoulda used the 25s.  Crap.  Hate it when he’s right.

So this is what performance anxiety feels like…


In the past two days I’ve written two soul bearing posts that I’ve decided not to put up on this blog.  Which is silly.  Why bother to write something if I’m not going to post it?  Especially if it’s brilliant, humorous, and just generally epic material?

Well, because recently I discovered that people actually READ my blog.

I mean, I know that is obvious.  You all love me.  Many of you “like” and comment on my posts, and my ego adores you for it.

But what I mean is people I actually KNOW read my blog.  In the past week I’ve confirmed this not once, not twice, but three times!

Once, a chick that goes to my box saw me at an evening class and exclaimed, “Oh!  I was wondering why you hadn’t posted your workout yet today!  Yay, you’re in our class tonight!”

Wha?  OH!  She actually reads about my workouts every morning!  Wow!  Does that mean she also reads about my ramblings, my oogling of fellow Crossfitters, and some of the graphic details of my life?  Yup, sure does.

In another instance, I reconnected with an old friend and wrote this oozy heartfelt post about how much he means to me and how lucky I am to still have someone that awesome in my life.  After re-reading it I decided I needed to inject more sex jokes or else it would make me vomit and held off on posting it, only to discover last night that he too religiously reads my blog!

Now not only am I glad I didn’t post the oozy ramblings, but man am I grateful I’m safe from admitting publicly my past sexy ooglings.  (Which I sorta just did.  Sorry friend, but it’s true.)

So I guess it’s safe to say that I think I’m having performance anxiety.  The whole post I wrote today about beet poop and how very special it is might need to wait one more day before I’m able to give myself enough of a pep talk to post it.

The good news is, the people who actually know me already KNOW I’m a total weirdo… so really, the chances of freaking them out are next to none.  It’s all in my head… just like the voices that sing show tunes.

Happy Hump Day friends.


Warm Up- the usual.  If it’s possible, my wall walks are getting worse.  I wonder if my fear of being upside down has something to do with the lunar cycle or something?

Mobility- lots of shoulder work.  I needed it.  The lacrosse ball is my friend.

WOD: 20 minute AMRAP

50 OH Plate Walking Lunges
25 Chin Ups
250m Plate Carry
25 Plate Sit Ups

Score: 2+41 with a 15 lb plate

I thought this was going to suck a lot, and it was actually fun.  I mean, it still sucked.  I totally have T-Rex arms right now and a nappy afro because after that it was damn near impossible to brush my hair, but I enjoyed it.

I think I used the right amount of weight for the plate, and I was even able to jog (YAY!!!!) the two 250s that I did.  My foot was cranky, but with the extra weight I wasn’t moving very fast and it was tolerable.

The best part of the workout though was this thought:

As I was struggling through the WOD lugging around an extra 15 lbs I had a moment where I realized… not 7 months ago I was carrying that weight plate around and MORE.  With what I’ve lost, I could have used the 25 lb weight plate and still not quite been equal to where I was when I started Crossfit.  Every time I thought how heavy that plate was, I was so happy I almost cried when I realized that I could simply PUT IT DOWN if I wanted to.  That weight was no longer a part of me.


6 a.m. feels mighty early when I didn’t even get done with CF last night until 7:30.  But I like the 6 a.m. class better.  It’s also much smaller, and I still need the indivuual attention… especially on things like the Snatch.  Which, oh goody, we’re doing today.

Warm Up- the usual then with the broom stick warm up OHS, Power Snatch, Hang Snatch

SWOD: 1 Power Snatch + 1 Hang Snatch (squat snatch)


Might have done another set or two at 35, can’t really remember.  The power snatch I felt like I could have done a lot more, but the full squat on the hang snatch is my limiter.  These were definitely better and more confident that I’ve done them before, I think knowing I can get a lot more weight overhead comfortably helps that a bit as well.

WOD: Amanda

Since I’m not yet awesome enough to do this WOD Rx, I did the following scaling:

Jumping muscle ups (these were SO pathetic)
OHS @35

Time: 4:41

In hindsight, I should have done the snatches.  My right quad was cranky after the first few OHS, so I decided against it, but I will never get better at them if I don’t do them.

The jumping muscle ups were hilarious.  I can’t even imagine what I must have looked like.  MU’s are SO so so far off for me, I can’t really even wrap my mind around the fundamental movement, but it was fun to work on it a little.

It was also awesome to watch our resident 6 a.m. rockstar Nick bang these out like the bad girl they are.  I think he went unbroken on the first two sets of them, and then did 4+1 on the last set.  He was all swingy and gymnasticy and it was very cool.


Went to Crossfit at 6:30 p.m. rather than my usual 6 a.m.  It is bloody hot outside later in the day.

Warm Up: 1 round of the usual

SWOD: Overhead Squats 5×5

Warm Up 1×5 @15
1×5 @ 35
2×5@ 45
2×5 @ 55 PR!

Up until really recently, these have been the bane of my existence.  I never thought I would progress past the training bar at 15 because I just could not get my arms to balance with what my legs were doing.  About a month ago I got one rep at 55, but the coach stopped me because my shoulders were all wrong and I was leaning way to the left.

After some tweaking, I realized I was positioning my hands too wide, and I was babying my left hand (the one that I broke back in October).

Last night, I banged out the first set of 55 like it was nothing!  I actually loaded the bar for 65 after that, but fell on my ass attempting the first rep.  Not because the weight was too heavy, but because my balance was still a little off.  I dropped it back down to 55, but man have I gained some confidence in this lift.

Which means good things for snatches for me as well.

WOD: 6×250 run with 1 minute rest between rounds

Time: ??? Uhm, it was either 10:05, 11:05 or 12:05.  I have no idea.  I think it was 11:05 but that seems fast.  Obviously, I was rowing.  Each of the row intervals were around a minute.

So that means it would have been 11:05.

This was hard, but fun.  It started pouring rain about half way thru so we had to scramble to move the rowers inside, but otherwise, it felt good.