I swear, I’m sweating cheesecake and ham

angst

I wear a lot of eyeliner on my “fat” days.

Today, I look like I could be cast as the goth girl with a lot of angst in one of those teenage highschool movies.

Let’s just say, the holiday was good.  It was better than good, it was delicious.  Unfortunately, zipping up my pants this morning was not good.  In fact, it was tragic.

So I’m wearing a dress instead.  A dress, and a lot of eyeliner.

I’ve come a long way over the past several months, and as I’ve blogged about before, I have a much healthier relationship with food, and my body.  I don’t feel guilty about a thing, but I DO feel the need to drink a ton of water and load up on the green veggies today.  I feel a little snug in my skin and I’m ready to go back to not feeling waterlogged from all the bloating.

Today I’m kicking off my Whole 30 redux.  I blogged about the program two weeks ago, where (as you can see) I committed half-heartedly, not quite ready to give up a few of the things that the program requires.

I’m glad I epically failed.

Even though I’ve come a long way, it’s sometimes hard for me to see the forest thru the trees as it relates to reaching my own goals.  I had been doing Crossfit for over 3 months when I finally made the decision to clean up my diet and incorporate Paleo, and since that point I’ve said 100 times I wish I had made the commitment on day 1, as I would be at my goal weight by now.

Why I wasn’t able to apply that same logic to Whole 30, I don’t know.  But for whatever reason, 2 weeks ago, I just wasn’t there yet.

Today I am.

Today I am willing to commit to myself that I will do what it takes to reach my goals.  I will find a way to be the healthiest, fittest, happiest version of myself every day.  I will make good choices at every meal, and I will eat to give my body what it needs to get stronger, leaner and faster.

Food isn’t about comfort, or socialization, or warm fuzzy feelings.  Food is nutrition.  I will, of course, still need mine to taste good, but I know that it can both taste great and be great for me.

This is my promise to myself today, for the next 30 days, and frankly, for the rest of my life.

I will never find the way to do this right if I don’t try.

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