A new addition to my Crossfit box is the “Before and After” display. A few members have posted photos of themselves pre-Crossfit, and then next to them their current photos looking ripped and healthy and amazing.
These transformations are truly jaw dropping.
My super smoking hot idol girl-coach this morning pointed out the board and let the 6 a.m. class know that anyone was welcome to bring in before and after pics of themselves to add to it. She said that she’s really proud of many of us, and some of us have seen some great changes, and then promptly made eye contact with me.
I have no idea what face I made in that moment, but I can tell you that what flew through my mind was, there is NO FREAKING WAY I’m going to put a “before” picture of myself on that wall. There were fat rolls in places that just shouldn’t jiggle. No one should have to consider wearing different pants because they make everything right down to your kneecaps look fat, ok people?
Clearly, that thought was reflected on my face, because the next words out of her mouth inspired me so much that I actually felt like I might cry. She said:
“If you’re not comfortable yet, that’s ok. One day you will have come so far that those before pictures won’t matter to you anymore and you won’t mind sharing them.”
I know she wasn’t necessarily talking to me, but man, was she talking to me.
The truth is, there is still a tiny part of me that is scared that this isn’t permanent. I am terrified to put a “before” picture of me out there and hear the comments about how much better I look now and how much fatter I was then.
What if someday I go back to making poor nutrition choices and stop exercising? What if one day I look in the mirror and see that “before” picture again staring right back at me?
I know that I have left that girl behind, and I’ve made changes in my life that have made me so much better, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I won’t go back there, but that fear and uncertainty still exists.
However, just hearing those words of wisdom from my coach helps me realize that I am not alone in that fear. That she could recognize it in me means she has seen it in countless others, and she knows like them, I’m in it for the long haul.
So who knows, maybe I will post my before picture where I have more rolls than a walrus up there on that wall. Maybe I will traumatize small children and make people question how it’s possible to store fat there. Or maybe, for now, I will just keep making choices every single day that place that girl firmly in the past.
Because this girl, she’s pretty awesome.