Pain does funny things to my filter. Usually, I am able to know what is ok to say, and what makes for a very awkward social situation. Evidently, that is not the case when I have a back injury.
I arrived for my appointment yesterday with a new back and spine doctor and was very pleasantly surprised that he was stupid handsome, and on time! Blonde hair, blue eyes and a great build made for a great appointment, especially since he started off by feeling up my legs and ordering me around.
About half way thru the appointment, the doc asked me to stand up with my back to him and began pressing on different spots on my spine looking for areas that were tender. As he worked his way down and then into my left hip, it was pretty clear where I was injured as a few times he about made me jump out of my skin.
Near the end of the thorough back-side-feeling-up process he was moving across my left hip and finally got off of the spots that hurt and actually into my glute. He pressed firmly and asked, as he had been doing all along, “what about here, does this hurt?”
*giggles* “Mmm, no actually that feels reeeallyyyy good.”
The PA in the room about fell off his stool he was laughing so hard.
The minute I realized what I had said, I turned 17 shades of red and started apologizing profusely.
And Mr. Handsomepants? He just smiled and said, “well, if that feels good then you should get someone to do that for you.”
It took every ounce of self-control I had not to ask him if he was interested in the position.
After all that morally compromising drama, we discovered I’m not going to die.
Unless, of course, I can bitch myself to death, in which case I probably only have moments left to live.
First, the good news. I did not injure myself in such a way that I need surgery. No herniated discs, no muscle or ligament tears. I was so relieved to hear that I about cried. But then came the bad news.
I have pretty thoroughly buggered my back. I injured the spot where my spine connects to my pelvis on the left side. The ligaments there are all wonky, and even very mild pressure makes me want to punch even a very drool worthy doctor in the throat. As a result of this, it seems I’m having severe muscle spasms in my back, making everything that much worse.
So a horse tranquilizer dose of muscle relaxers later, it will be at least a week before the pain goes away, and longer than that before I go back to lifting weights.
Of course, I’m stubborn as shit, so I will be back at Crossfit as soon as the pain is gone. Relax, I’ll work closely with my coaches to do things that won’t harm my recovery process. I’ll be like Annie Thorisdottir, still badass but just not quite as bad ass as I have the ability to be.