My eyes, MY EYES!

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I did something sobering this morning.  I took pictures of myself in my underwear.

I never really did the whole progress picture thing, so I don’t have any “before” photos to compare myself to at the moment.  Heck, I can say without hesitation, when I started Crossfit I would have rather burned out my eyeballs with a hot poker than looked at pictures of myself in my underpants.

So at least being willing to take them is an improvement.

Though I think it’s probably obvious to anyone reading that I’m not exactly thrilled with what I saw.

Now I admit, the past 6 weeks haven’t been my strongest.  I haven’t been to Crossfit much.  Between the back injury, strep throat, traveling and then getting even more sick I think I’ve been 10 days in the last 50.  Not excellent, but also just excuses.

I also have made no bones about the fact my diet has sucked.  I’ve made some concerted effort here this past week to rein in the need to eat every morsel of food in my refrigerator on a daily basis, but I’ve been far from saintly, and it shows.

My 1 year anniversary with Crossfit is approaching, and I want to be able to look at photos of myself (please God WITH my clothes on) and see how much progress I’ve made.  I know I’ve come a long way, but at the moment, it seems like I still have so much further left to go.

Which brings me to the reason I took pictures in my netherthings this morning.

I NEED accountability.  With other people, and with myself.  When I’m going to class it seems easy, the coaches are there daily holding me accountable and helping to motivate me to put in the work.  Going to Crossfit daily helps me to stay on track with nutrition as, quite frankly, I can’t eat crap and then get through a WOD without vomiting.  Problem solved!

Until I’m cleared to resume my regularly scheduled activities, I need to do a better job of holding myself accountable.  I loathe weighing myself, and want to avoid that at all costs.  I’m getting BETTER about loving my body, but I’m not quite to the point where hopping on the scale and seeing  a number I don’t especially like won’t ruin my whole day.

I keep reminding myself that I fit in smaller jeans, that I look better in my clothes, but it’s starting to feel like a long time since I’ve seen any of those incremental gains as well.

So I’m going to force myself to actually SEE them.

We’re all our own worst critics, right?  I see things on my body that I know, for a fact, my husband doesn’t notice.  So if every Monday morning before work I strap in the ladies and put on some tiny underpants and then take a picture, I’m bound to notice the tiny changes week to week that are improvements in my body.

Especially if I get my shit together.

And loyal readers, just you wait.  Eventually, I *will* post some progress photos.  I know that one day the “before” and “during” just won’t matter any more.  When that day comes, I’ll show you how far I’ve come.  Because all that matters then will be what IS!

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