Big surprise, the fat kid is obsessed with food

cookie-monster-cookies-orig

I am obsessed with food.

Obsessed. 

I think about it all the time.  If I’m not eating, I’m thinking about what I will eat next.  Whether or not it’s healthy.  If I’m going out to eat I pep talk myself ahead of time about food I will avoid because it’s “bad,” and then I usually end up ordering it because it’s all I’ve thought about all day.

Over the course of the Whole 30 it’s been a bit better.  There’s an approved list and anything outside of that I can’t eat.  But now, with less than a week left to go, all I can think about are all of the “bad” things that I “can” eat one week from today.

This can’t be healthy.

In fact, I know it isn’t.  This thought process is the exact reason why I have so many issues with my weight.

I once went to a shrink who talked to me on end about my “relationship with food.”  I remember thinking at the time how freaking dumb that sounded.  It’s FOOD.  I don’t care about the cow’s feelings, I just want to eat it.

In hindsight, maybe she had a point.  It doesn’t matter how the cow felt, it matters that, when I devour the cow in mass ground up quantities topped with cheese, bbq sauce and bacon, I FEEL better… if only for a moment.

Then, the reality of the situation sinks in and I feel guilty.  I regret the choice as I know it’s not great for weight loss.  I know if I want to physically look like I believe that I want to look, I need to eat things that aren’t “bad” for me.  And so the negative self-talk continues and my obsession with food grows and grows.

Why is it “good” or “bad?”  Why can’t I just eat moderate portions of what I want, enjoy them, exercise, and be healthy?  Does it really REALLY need to be this complicated?

I don’t have a good answer.  Heck, as someone who is literally manically plotting what my first “cheat” meal will be after my 30 days is up, I think it’s pretty clear that I’m about the furthest thing from an expert on this subject.

What I DO know is that I probably need to keep examining the WHY behind all of this, hopefully without making myself even more crazy.  I’ve said it before and I’m certain I will say it again many many times, but if I can at least understand why I’m doing something or behaving in a specific way, I’m one step closer to potentially changing that pattern or that behavior.

I don’t want to be obsessed.  At least not with food.  I would rather pick something mutually beneficial… you know, like sex.

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If I’ve seen you drunk or naked, we’re totally friends

insanity

You know what’s weird?  Making friends as a grown up.

You might find this hard to believe, but I’m a little socially awkward.  I have a tendency to get quiet in groups, as I prefer to listen rather than talk.  I also tend to make really bad and usually inappropriate jokes when I’m uncomfortable.

Once I open up around people I am pretty fun, but I’m a total dirty pervert.  I keep my filter in place as best as possible, but there’s a 99% chance that something is going to slip out at one point or another.

For this reason, making new friends, especially female ones, isn’t always a smashing success for me.

This brings me to yet another reason why Crossfit is awesome.

Sure, I have friends outside of Crossfit.  They know me and love me, despite all my quirks that I took care to slowly expose them to over time.  One of my newest friends is officially firmly in friend territory now as we’ve totally shared sex stories over wine.  This is after nearly a year of working together.

But Crossfit friends are… different.  First off, these people see me at my worst.  No make up, it’s questionable whether or not I’ve brushed my teeth, and I’m swearing like a sailor and making “that’s what she said” jokes without hesitation.

I’ve probably farted in front of all of them too.

And that’s just the first impression.

It’s been really interesting to me to see how these relationships have evolved over time.  So many have started as just the people I WOD with, but have really quickly become a friendship.  I totally teared up when I saw pics of super-awesome-girl-coach and pervy-but-we-love-him-anyway on their wedding day.  I care about muscley-firefighter-guy and his super-smokin-wife and how they’re doing.   Sexy soccer girl is one of my favorite people ever, and I totally saw her naked today so we have to be friends, right?  (Relax boys, the new gym actually has showers and a locker room so we were just getting ready for work).

Sure, having Crossfit in common is a nice start to a friendship, but I can’t help but believe that this is so much more than just a sport.  This isn’t just about sweating and lifting weight and going home.  We really kind of are a family, and as cheesy as it is to say, I believe that mentality and that bond really makes for some awesome friendships.

Then again, so do Tequila shots.

7.30.2013

If I didn’t rave about it enough in my last post, the new gym is freaking awesome.  I can’t get over this place.  Decided to come to the new 7 a.m. class, as it’s literally .2 miles from where I work and WE HAVE SHOWERS now.  I am so glad I did.  There were only 4 of us there, and we were working on Snatch, which is a movement I feel like I can still benefit from a lot of coaching on.

Warm Up:  The usual.  New route to run though, so that was kind of fun and different.  Bad news, private bakery was making something that smelled delicious and we got to run through the cloud of baconey air.  *DROOL*

SWOD:  Snatch
Warm Up:  3 hang power snatch, 3 OHS, 3 squat snatch
1×3@ 33
3×3@ 43

My hands were killing me.  The new bars are SO pretty, but they’re still really rough.  I actually tore on my left hand on the third set, so I pussed out on this lift.  I admit it.  I’m a baby.

That said, coach filmed me doing these and it was SO COOL to see!  I pull a tiny bit early, but not as much as I thought, and I get a pretty darn good hip extension.   That said, I lean way too far forward.  By the time I’m at my knees you can see my weight come forward, which is why I always have trouble landing these in a good squat stance.

I was able to make a little adjustment, but now that I know what to work on, I have a feeling this lift is going to improve quickly for me.

There’s nothing quite like seeing, in slow motion, frame by frame, what you do well and what needs work.

WOD: 4 RFT
12 push ups
12 walking lunges (each leg)
Row 250

Time: 13:XX??

We aren’t writing our time on the board yet (because the board isn’t up yet!) so I can’t remember.  No matter, it was a fun WOD.  Used a band for the push ups so  I could actually do all of them on my toes… and here’s my confession… I should have used a lighter band.  Sure, they were hard by the end, but I could have physically done more in that respect.

Walking lunges however, were another story.  I don’t know why my brain doesn’t communicate with my body on this movement.  I feel like if I take a big enough step, my back knee won’t bend, or I fall over, or my legs don’t work or something.  Yeah, my quads were screaming, but I could literally feel myself doing these half assed.  Need practice I guess.

The row was fun.  I haven’t rowed in forever and it didn’t bother my back at all.  Though when I last rowed I think I was doing about a 2:07 pace and today was more like a 2:17.  Ouch.  Guess when you don’t do something regularly you lose fitness there, huh?

I literally can not wait to see what tomorrow’s WOD is and what we get to play with!

7.29.2013

Been awhile since I’ve done a WOD post.  Not to worry, haven’t missed any, I’m an addict.

So we’re officially in the new box.  The word INCREDIBLE doesn’t even begin to describe this place.  They literally built, from the ground up, a Crossfit playground that’s the side of your average Wal-Mart.  Every single piece of equipment in the place is brand new, but that’s not even the best part.  The best part, to me, is that we have everything.  Literally, enough rowers that we can do rowing WODs.  Benches to bench press.  Slam balls.  Fat bars.  Monekey Bars.  SHOWERS.  I’m in complete awe.  I am so SO proud to be part of this group and to see the success of our box.

I went to highschool with the owner, Pervy-but-we-love-him-anyway-coach, and as silly as this is, it makes me really proud for him to open the doors on this place.  We didn’t exactly grow up in a booming metropolis where kids were achieving their dreams, and for him to do this, it’s really something.  So YAY!  We now have tortures that I hadn’t even imagined existed to be exposed to.  But first thing is first, need to break in the first WOD in the new place right.

SWOD: Push Press 4×5
1×5 @ 33 warm up
1×5@ 53 warm up
1×5@ 63
2×5@ 73
1×5@ 78

I felt really weak going into this, but kept focusing on a big push and keeping my rib cage down.  I was really happy getting that 78 overhead 5 times.

WOD: Squat Grace

Time: ?? @ 30lbs

So I had really good intentions of doing this heavy, but by the time we got to the WOD I was feeling really REALLY weak and lightheaded.  I went at night, and think that I didn’t eat enough during the day.  Which, when I reviewed my food log later that day, was totally correct.  I’m still on Whole 30 (day 22 baby!), but am at the point where I’m just not hungry.  I had a super busy day at work and forgot that I only ate about half my lunch, leaving out a big hunk of protein AND fat.  Bad idea.

So needless to say, my WOD suffered.  I went super light and just got thru it.  And then went home and ate half a cow and a whole avocado.  Man I felt better after that.

Mmmmm.  Coooowwww.

If you had three wishes, you wouldn’t wish for this crap

I’ve been preparing to dazzle you with my wits (eyes up boys) all day, and have only managed to crank out three random completely unconnected thoughts, none of which actually translate into a decent blog post on their own.

Rather than leave you wanting, I figure, why not?  I’ll post them as part of a Tuesday compilation.  I give you , my readers, your three thoughts for the day.

Magic Mike Sucked- and not even a fun exciting way

So I am one of like, 7 women in the entire continental US who didn’t see Magic Mike when it came out.  While I do think Channing Tatum has perfectly lickable abs (much like some of my fellow crossfitters), I didn’t feel the need to see the sweating and gyration on the big screen.

When the movie came out on DVD I just never could talk myself into paying the $5 to rent it, even though my curiosity had been piqued from a few friends comments.  Last night, while home alone since the hubs was working late, I was channel surfing and saw that it was playing on HBO.

Well hot diggity dog, here’s my chance.

Two hours later, I have only one comment about this film.  A serious drama about male strippers isn’t sexy, it’s squirmy.  There were scenes that were downright uncomfortable, not because I’m a prude, but because this movie just took itself too seriously.

Naked sweaty men?  Sure.  But I was more traumatized than turned on when it was all over.

 

I want to chop off all my hair- possibly with a meat cleaver

I have super long hair.  It’s curly, and sometimes it’s straight.  Just kind of depends on my mood and how much time I spent lifting heavy things overhead that day.  I love it, but at the same time, in Florida in the middle of summer in the 90 degree heat, I totally hate it.

I have a haircut scheduled tonight and I’ve gone back and forth with myself between wanting a trim or a freaking pixie cut.  I could be saintly.  I could donate it to charity and some little leukemia child somewhere could have a brand new afro all their own for Christmas.

 

The world might be ending- there are no avocados at the grocery store

I swear, I’m not making this up.

I went and did my usual grocery shopping routine on Sunday and they were plum out of avocados.  This was a pretty epic catastrophe as they are currently a daily staple for me, and I was down to my last half an avocado at the time.

I rationed it out, but as of this morning, I was out.  I popped by on the way into work only to discover, there wasn’t a single avocado to be had in the store AGAIN!  Not even the big yucky watery Florida ones.  Or the super green you won’t be able to eat them for a week ones.

Not one.

I even checked the canned foods isle kids just to see if there was hope.

I’m devastated.

7.23.2013

Warm Up- The usual.  I’m surprisingly not sore *yet*.  Everyone at 6 a.m. was saying how sore they were from yesterday, but since they’re 24 hours later and I’m only 12, I have a feeling I’m not going to start hurting until tonight.  Joy

SWOD: Snatch (technique work)
5×4 @33

So Snatch is definitely my weakest lift.  Some days I have the rhythm and can feel things click and then some days (like today), I know I’m pulling too early and I just can’t get my body to do things in the right order.

I know the answer to this is to practice more, and I think if I put more weight on the bar I might force myself to do it right, but this morning I didn’t.

It probably didn’t help that I was dizzy from pretty much the warm up on, so I was taking really long breaks.

Blah blah blah Whole 30, I’m sick of excuses.  I like the way my body is looking as a result of this, but if I don’t get my energy back for Crossfit very soon, I’m going to be one cranky bunny.

WOD:
How far can you get in 12 minutes of:

5 hang power snatch
5 OH Squat
30 double unders

10 hang power snatch
10 OH Squat
30 double unders

Score: 15+3 @33 with singles

Not much to say about this.  It was hard, I was dizzy the whole time, so I did all the lifting in sets of 5 and had to take a ton of time between those sets to put my head between my knees and get my HR back down.

Evidently my body is being more stubborn than most in figuring out how to eat my ass fat for energy during workouts.

Day 16.  Over half way.  Thank god.

7.22.2013

Warm Up- The usual mix of panting sweating running and yoga.

SWOD: Press 4×5
Warm Up 1×10 @33
1×5 @53
2×5@ 63
1×3@68

Clearly, I failed the last two reps of the last set.  I re-racked and tried again, and failed that attempt as well.  I could feel myself arching my back, but just couldn’t correct my darn form.  Grumble.

I was happy that I was able to get in any reps at 68, as last time I wasn’t.

WOD: 3 Rounds

2 min AMRAP
5 burpees
10 air squats

Rest 1 minute

2 min AMRAP
5 jumping lunges (each leg)
10 ring rows

Rest 1 minute

Score: 173 (I think)

This was one of those WOD’s that looked fun on paper.  And I mean, I guess in hindsight it was fun, but man it kicked my ass.  It was really hot (duh it’s summer in Florida and I’m working out at the hottest part of the day GENIUS), and after the first round I was feeling it.  By the last round, I actually had to sit down during the one minute rest, but I finished.

I would whine more about Whole 30, but honestly, I’m sick of hearing myself say it.  So instead I’m just going to say, I did my absolute best in this workout.  I literally gave it everything I had, and that’s what matters at the moment.

There are worse things

kids

I accidentally swallowed a cherry pit yesterday.  I’m concerned that this will result in either (1) even stranger things happening with the already strange poo I have going on or (2) a cherry tree will grow in my stomach and sprout out of my mouth.

I’m actually more concerned about the latter, no matter how unlikely it may be.  In fact, the idea of anything growing inside me really freaks me out.

Yeah, that includes babies.

I’m not sure it will come as much of a surprise that I don’t want children.  Now please, please don’t get all offended.  I’m not saying I don’t like children, or that I have any negative opinions of anyone who chooses to have children, or anything of the kind.  I simply do not want them.

You may have noticed my immediate need to defend myself once I expressed my desires.  This need has evolved over the past 10 years of being torn to bits in various ways when I say I don’t want kids.  Since I’m not actually a heinous person who chews the face off everyone I eat (most of the time), I’ve grown accustomed to people’s reactions when my lack of desire for a family comes up in polite conversation.

But in honor of my potential cherry tree baby on a Monday, here’s what I really want to say when confronted with the top three remarks every person on the planet seems to have when I tell them I don’t want kids.

Remark 1:  What do you mean you don’t want kids?  Kids are wonderful, they bring you a lifetime of joy.  If you don’t like children you must be evil or an atheist or something.  You kick puppies don’t you?  You evil Satan worshiping whore.

What I say:  No no, I love children and I go to church religiously whenever my grandmother guilts me into it every 5 to 7 years.  Children are wonderful and beautiful.  I’m just not worthy of having such a beautiful cherub to call my own.

What I want to say:  Of course I don’t want kids.  Look at yours.  One is eating you shoe the other just vomited on your shirt and both are screaming for you attention.  I can’t even hear the second half of your judgmental rant because of all the noise they’re making.  I walk around my house stark naked pretty much all the time, kids would totally cramp my style.  Am I selfish as shit?  Sure, but don’t worry, I’m happy.  Very, very happy.

Remark 2:  No children?  Who will take care of you when you get older?

What I say:  I know, it will be such a problem!  I guess I should start saving for retirement now.  You’re so lucky that you’re such a wonderful parent that your children will be there for you then just as you are there for them now.

What I want to say:  Probably a hot male nurse named Sven.  I’m well invested, and because I don’t have hundreds of thousands in expenses of raising a little mini mutant and putting their ungrateful ass through college, I’ll probably be a millionaire here right quick.  I figure, by 50 hubs and I will retire and move into some swanky community where all I have to worry about is what designer swimsuit I’m going to wear to the pool and my spa appointments today.

Remark 3:  Don’t worry, you’re still young, you have plenty of time to change your mind.

What I say:  Yes, you’re right.  Of course you’re right.  Thank you so much for believing that my uterus hasn’t yet dried up and my hopes of future spawn haven’t yet died out.

What I want to say:  Unlike you, I’m not a total flighty twit.  First off, I’m not that young.  I’m turning 30 this year and I haven’t wanted children, EVER.  I am fully capable of making a decision and standing by it.  I would never be condescending as shit towards you for your decision to start a family, and it’s really effed up that you feel the need to be so towards me about my decision not to.

 

In closing, I love that you love your children.  Heck, in some cases I love your children.  But seriously, I don’t want any.  Stop trying to sell me on the idea, all it does is piss me off and force me to bottle up my emotions and then drink heavily until I can’t feel my feelings anymore.

You do your thing, and I’ll do mine.  I’m happy that you’re happy.  Be happy for  me too.

7.19.2013

Another evening workout for me.  I miss my 6 a.m. peeps, but lately my body is just needing the sleep it seems.

Warm Up- Yoga one.  Captain America was teaching this class and made us do some other odd bendy things, but it was mostly the same.

SWOD: Weighted Pull Ups 5×3

Since I have yet to do a single band assisted pull up due to being absolutely petrified of heights, this was a little daunting.

We paired up, and my first attempt involved me shaking like a leaf and feeling like I was going to vomit.  I kind of just hung there, then called “uncle” and got down.

Not sure what clicked, but after that first attempt I chalked up my hands, had my partner wrap about a thousand bugee cords around me, and I managed to get the 15 reps the coaches called for.  I had to use both the green AND blue bands to get my big ass up there, but I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited to successfully do something as I was to do these.

In the end, I think a lot of my fear was because my grip strength was so poor I was worried the bands were going to sling shot me upwards at ramming speeds, my grip would give out, and I would end up flying backwards over the bar, whapping my head, and waking up with severe brain damage and short term memory loss.  None of this happened, so of course, I want to try it again soon.

WOD:
3 RFT
50 Russian KB swings
14 push ups
10 Hang Power Snatch

Time: 14:49 (I think???) w/25lbs kb and 33 lbs for Snatch

I really think I died in the middle of this WOD.  I’m just going to hope that one of the super hot guys that were doing it right along side me gave me mouth to mouth and restarted my heart and I just don’t remember it.

The thing about these really hard WOD’s is that there’s always a highlight or two that make me smile and help me eek out another rep or two.  First highlight was Captain America shouting at me around the half way point, “come on Nicole, you need to finish this WOD so you have something to blog about.”  Smartass.

The next was near the end of the WOD when I was fighting harder not to vomit than I was to finish the workout and Whole-30-Partner-In-Crime-Girl says, “pick up that kettle bell and swing it like you’re trying to hit some skinny bitch in the face.”  I’m not normally a violent person, but by God that got another 10 reps out of me when I didn’t think I had even one.

In the end I finished and collapsed in a puddle for a solid 10 minutes.  An observation- until I get through the hard part of Whole 30, I think I need to scale more than I have been.  There were lighter options available for both the KB and the Snatch, and had I taken them I probably could have finished this workout with the rest of the class.

I think I get so caught up in pushing myself hard and not taking any steps back that I’m scared to use lighter weights , but if there were ever a time to do it, now is it.