I’m a weirdo.
I realize that’s likely not news to any of you, but as someone who has known myself for nearly 30 years, it never ceases to amaze me when I realize something new and curious about myself.
I don’t like being yelled at. At all. I avoid confrontation at pretty much all costs, and most of the time I completely shut down if it turns into yelling. I want communication. I want conversation. I want butterflies and puppy dogs and rainbows.
Unless I’m working out.
In that case, all the “you can do it’s” piss me right the hell off. Leave me alone! It’s possible I can’t do this. I might not do it just to prove you wrong, bastards. Ok, so maybe that’s not entirely true, but while the encouragement absolutely helps, it doesn’t give me any mental drive to do more or keep going.
I realized in the case of working out, specifically Crossfit, I respond significantly better to someone telling me to “harden the fuck up” and “stop feeling sorry for myself.” Even if in the moment I feel like I might cry, or puke, or possibly die, it’s what I need to hear.
I want the hugs and high fives AFTER I’m done not dying.
I realized this today during the WOD-of-Death that almost made me projectile style toss my cookies.
What’s really strange is I think my coach realized it months ago.
Don’t get me wrong. I appreciated every single person around me trying to help me battle through when all I wanted to do mentally and physically was quit. If I could figure a way to bottle that support and motivation, I would be a bajillionaire. Without that group I totally would have quit, skipped the few remaining reps and just not wrote my time on the board chalking it up to a bad day. With them standing around me, I had to finish, so I did.
But among all the cheers and shouts and encouragement, what I actually HEARD and processed and USED was my coach yelling at me. Not telling me I could do it, but telling me to get my ass to work. To him, there was no question that I COULD do it, that part was a no brainer. What I needed was someone helping me to do it faster and better than I thought I could.
In the moment, I didn’t believe him. So I got angry. Really angry. And then, rather than punching him, because that’s not nice and I still don’t like conflict even when I’m angry, I finished the workout.
Sometimes people see you and understand you in ways you don’t see yourself. It’s always interesting to me when I realize someone’s perception of me is different than my own, and theirs is actually correct.
So thanks cheering squad. Please keep it up. Especially if a few of you want to get shirtless next time. What? I’m just sayin’, it’s motivational. Just please make sure someone is telling me to get out of my head and go after it as well.
I think… today anyway.
If you make me cry, I won’t hold it against you.