Old Time Rock n’ Roll in my underpants

drunk

Evidently, I’m super fun even when I’m not drunk.

At least, that’s what my husband told me last night.

What a relief!  And I mean that seriously.

Before starting this Whole 30 thing, I’m not sure I realized how much alcohol I was consuming.  I mean, obviously, I knew that we are really social and go out 4-5 nights a week.  I also knew that going out meant drinking beer and hanging out with our peeps.  But I’ve got to be honest, I never really sat back and processed just how many beers I was drinking per night, or how important alcohol is to my social activities.

The first few times we went out during the first week of Whole 30 were really hard.  It was instinct to order a beer, or a glass of wine to compliment my meal.  Ordering water or unsweet tea just felt funny, and the fact that the bartenders at my favorite hangout spot looked at me like I had 6 heads didn’t make it much easier.

My friends at first were understanding, but mostly because I made up excuses.  I would say I had a hard workout and was just really thirsty, or that my stomach hurt so I didn’t want to pour beer on top of it.  But after the first week when I continued ordering water with lemon, they knew something was up.

One of the “boys” called me on it while out at dinner this week.  I admitted that I was doing Whole 30 and wasn’t drinking for 30 days.

He surprised the shit out of me when he said, “that’s really cool.”  We talked more, and not only did he respect what I was trying to do (after some serious ribbing and teasing), he left me alone about it for the rest of the night.

I don’t have the juice right now to psychoanalyze the reason why I didn’t just tell my friends I wasn’t drinking for 30 days.  I’m pretty sure I don’t like the idea of being the “girl on the diet” and figured by not saying anything, I wouldn’t end up in that sterotyped role.  I’m sure I also fell into the trap of thinking I am more fun, outgoing, and exciting to be around once I’ve had a few drinks and loosened up.

Over the past two weeks of this challenge, I’ve learned that’s not the case.  In fact, last night my husband and I went out and had more fun together than I think we’ve quite possibly ever had before.  The night culminated playing pool upstairs in our home, singing along to classic rock songs in our underpants.  And laughing harder than I have in my entire life.

Sober kids.  Stone cold sober.

It’s amazing the things I’m discovering along the way.  Maybe part of this is just finding myself.

7.18.2013

Yet again I won the battle with my alarm clock, but no matter, I was able to hit the box in the p.m. and still do work.

Warm Up:  Combo of the usual and the yoga from hell.  Super-awesome-girl-coach coached this one and a few of the other coaches actually did the workout.  Fun times.  That never happens at 6 a.m.

Mobility: partner shoulder stretching.  Always awesome to be sweaty and groping on someone you just met.  Luckily, it felt so good I didn’t care.

SWOD: Snatch Balance 5×2 and Snatch Pull/Snatch Deadlift 5×5

Snatch Balance:
1×2@ 33
3×2 @ 43
1×2 @ 48

Snatch Pull/Snatch Deadlift:
1×5@ 53
4×5@63

So I’ve got to be honest, I don’t really “get” the snatch deadlift.  I totally understand the snatch balance, and was really proud of myself with that effort.  The most I had ever done at this previously was just the 33 lb bar, but as my mobility and is improving I’m getting a lot more stable in the bottom of my squat.  I probably should have attempted this @53, but was happy with what I did.

The snatch deadlift just feels funny.  Granted, my back is still healing so I didn’t want to go too heavy.  The women I was sharing the bar with seemed to be pretty evenly matched with my strength, so we kept it light and worked on form.  I understand the concept of this movement, but when I’m doing it, it just feels weird.  I guess that’s why you practice it, as that is what the first part of the pull on my snatch is supposed to feel like.

I just said pull on my snatch and now I’m thinking about how uncomfortable that would be.

Let’s move on shall we?

WOD:
7 minute AMRAP
10 Burpees
10 Wall Balls

Score: 3 rounds with 10 lbs ball

I’m sure you’re getting sick of hearing me say this, but man Whole 30 is really zapping my juice.  This WOD was right up my alley, but after one round my heart was beating so HARD that I could feel my pulse in my eyeballs.  I’m serious, it was about to be like that scene in “Who Framed Rodger Rabbit” where his eyes popped out of his head.

So I ended up having to do everything in sets of 2-3.  After the first round my mantra became “just keep moving”.  There was lots of catching my breath and waiting for the tunnel vision to go away.

So here’s my plea.  PLEASE BODY figure out how to use my fat stores for fuel.  I’m not sure how many more of these feeling like shit run over by the lawnmower WOD’s I can take.

Whole 30: Day 11 Update- The Truths You May Not Expect

whole 30 timeline

I’m officially one third of the way thru the Whole 30 and thought it might be fun to do a little status update for all the inquiring minds who want to know how it’s going.  Obviously, as this is me we’re talking about, this will be more of the honest-shit-they-don’t-tell-you-on-the-website stuff that you can look forward to should you ever choose to do this challenge as well.

Without further ado, here’s the top 5 things that have changed since I started Whole 30.

I poop all the damn time.

I wish I was joking.  Anyone who read this post  knows how I feel about pooping, but the short version is, it pisses me off.  Especially at work.

But I guess when you’re eating this many veggies, and avocados like they grow on trees or something, it happens.

I sleep like I’ve never slept before.

It’s arguable that what I’m doing should actually be called “hibernation” or “coma.”  Last night was a solid 12 hours that would have been completely uninterrupted if I didn’t need to wake up to pee (which involved poo.  See #1).  I am traditionally a bit of an insomniac, so this is really a welcome change.  Which brings me to my next point…

I have the most cracked-out dreams you can imagine.

Last night I dreamt that I ate an Egg McMuffin and got violently ill and was so disappointed in myself that I considered offing myself.  But I never got the chance because zombies attacked and yummy-handstand-push-up-guy saved us by doing, you guessed it, handstand push-ups.  And that’s just what I REMEMBER kids.

I think about sex ALL THE TIME.

I mean, I already thought about sex all the time, but at the moment it’s SO much worse.  If I had to guess I would say it’s the combo of my body looking damn good right now, and the extra nutrients or something playing my libido like a fiddle.  Husband doesn’t seem to mind this effect as much as the poo, so as long as I avoid dry humping the legs of strangers, this one can stay as far as I’m concerned.

I feel SO much better.

Here’s the part where I tout the benefits of this program, even though in the short term I’m still cranky and feeling the side effects of the lack of sugar.

I know that I’ve lost weight.  The jiggly stomach thing I usually have going on is pretty much nonexistent.  After only 11 days, every pair of pants I own fit better.  Other than the constant poo, I have absolutely no stomach issues.  I don’t even think I fart.  I’m serious, my colon has never been happier.

I’m also noticing other unexpected differences.  I used to get heartburn all the time, but realized just yesterday that I haven’t touched the Tums in my desk at work since I began this challenge.

My skin is crystal clear.  I’ve always been pretty lucky in that area, but I literally do not have a single pimple to speak of right now.  In addition to that, my fingernails are growing so fast that my manicure that was supposed to last 2 weeks got changed yesterday after only 10 days because I was starting to look trashy.

I am so so ready to be in the weeks where the “energy boost” happens, and I know it’s just around the corner.  I’ll throw it out there that I have not cheated even a little bit, even once on this program.  I am flat shocked that I’ve made it this far, but am falling into a pattern where following it is becoming very easy and I’m not thinking about it all that much.

I’m in this for the full 30 days, and possibly longer.  I knew all the science on the front end, but I couldn’t have imagined that already I would be seeing such positive effects.

Stay tuned for updates, but for the moment, I’m a believer.

“If you’re not puking, you’re not stopping.” Thanks Coach.

just do it

I’m a weirdo.

I realize that’s likely not news to any of you, but as someone who has known myself for nearly 30 years, it never ceases to amaze me when I realize something new and curious about myself.

I don’t like being yelled at.  At all.  I avoid confrontation at pretty much all costs, and most of the time I completely shut down if it turns into yelling.  I want communication.  I want conversation.  I want butterflies and puppy dogs and rainbows.

Unless I’m working out.

In that case, all the “you can do it’s” piss me right the hell off.  Leave me alone!  It’s possible I can’t do this.  I might not do it just to prove you wrong, bastards.  Ok, so maybe that’s not entirely true, but while the encouragement absolutely helps, it doesn’t give me any mental drive to do more or keep going.

I realized in the case of working out, specifically Crossfit, I respond significantly better to someone telling me to “harden the fuck up” and “stop feeling sorry for myself.”  Even if in the moment I feel like I might cry, or puke, or possibly die, it’s what I need to hear.

I want the hugs and high fives AFTER I’m done not dying.

I realized this today during the WOD-of-Death that almost made me projectile style toss my cookies.

What’s really strange is I think my coach realized it months ago.

Don’t get me wrong.  I appreciated every single person around me trying to help me battle through when all I wanted to do mentally and physically was quit.  If I could figure a way to bottle that support and motivation, I would be a bajillionaire.   Without that group I totally would have quit, skipped the few remaining reps and just not wrote my time on the board chalking it up to a bad day.  With them standing around me, I had to finish, so I did.

But among all the cheers and shouts and encouragement, what I actually HEARD and processed and USED was my coach yelling at me.  Not telling me I could do it, but telling me to get my ass to work.  To him, there was no question that I COULD do it, that part was a no brainer.  What I needed was someone helping me to do it faster and better than I thought I could.

In the moment, I didn’t believe him.  So I got angry.  Really angry.  And then, rather than punching him, because that’s not nice and I still don’t like conflict even when I’m angry, I finished the workout.

Sometimes people see you and understand you in ways you don’t see yourself.  It’s always interesting to me when I realize someone’s perception of me is different than my own, and theirs is actually correct.

So thanks cheering squad.  Please keep it up.  Especially if a few of you want to get shirtless next time.  What?  I’m just sayin’, it’s motivational.  Just please make sure someone is telling me to get out of my head and go after it as well.

I think… today anyway.

If you make me cry, I won’t hold it against you.

7.17.2013

Let me begin by saying, pervy-but-we-love-him-anyway coach is a seriously sadistic bastard.   But, as his nickname suggests, we love him anyway.  So here’s today’s report.

Warm Up:  The new fancy yoga one I posted about yesterday.

It’s still not fantastic.  I think if I covered my entire body with chalk on the front end there’s a chance I wouldn’t be slipping all over the floor by the end.  Maybe.  Probably not.

WOD:
Run 400
10 Toes to Bar
10 Kettlebell SDHP

Run 800
20 Toes to Bar
20 Kettlebell SDHP

Run 1200
30 Toes to Bar
30 Kettlebell SDHP

Time: 29:20 with knees to boobs and 25lb KB

This was rough.  Day 11 of Whole 30 = NO giddyup.  None.  Whatsoever.  Running the two warm up laps was a challenge, so I knew this was going to be a hard WOD.  When I saw it last night I started mentally pep talking myself right away, as I knew I would just have to pace myself, chip away at it, and get it done.

It was worse than I expected, but I really surprised myself.  I didn’t quit.  And I was able to string together my arguable excuse for toes to bar in sets of no less than 5.  Grip strength improving.

I ended up walking a lot of the 1200.  I didn’t love that, but my promise to myself became “run until you get tunnel vision and then you can walk again.”  During my first lap of the 1200 a classmate (sorry, I don’t actually remember who it was so no fun nickname here… feel free to identify yourself and I’ll edit.) ran by and asked how I was doing.  I growled something along the lines of, “I might die but I’m going to finish this workout.”

And finish it I did.

I was literally dead last by probably a solid 5-7 minutes.  In the end, I had the ENTIRE 6 a.m. class around me, shouting at me, cheering for me, urging me to finish.

I really felt like I was going to vomit.  Like, really really felt like I was going to vomit.  I even yelled at one point that I needed a break or I was going to vomit.

Pervy-but-we-love-him-anyway coach retorted, “Fine, then vomit.  But if you’re not puking your high pulling.  Now PICK UP THAT KETTLEBELL.”

So I did.   I can honestly say I’ve never been as happy to be done with anything as I was with this WOD.  I didn’t puke, but only because I seriously didn’t want to toss my cookies in front of 20 cheering onlookers.

Yes, I’m that vain.

So thanks guys.  See you again tomorrow.

I inspired someone normal! There is hope.

I love free stuff.  Who doesn’t?  So one of my personality quirks is that I enter a lot of contests.  If it’s easy, and doesn’t require blood, urine or poo samples, chances are I’ll fill out the form or enter the contest.

I’ll be honest.  I never win.  Or at least, hadn’t won anything until yesterday.

Fleet Feet Sports in Sarasota ran a fun little contest through their facebook page  on June 28th for National Camera Day.  They asked that fans send in their most inspiring fitness photo for a chance to win a Fleet Feet Sports Nike Hi-Rez shirt.

Well shoot, I’m inspiring as hell.  After oogling all my great Crossfit shots (count them, three I’m actually willing to share publicly) I chose this one as the winner.

snatch pic

Just yesterday, I received an email informing me that I had, in fact, won!

This is super cool.  And I’ll be honest.  It’s super cool that I won something because again, free stuff, awesome.  But the part I am the most excited about is that someone at this running store, staffed with super fit athletic people and owned by way awesome athletes, saw my photo and were inspired.

Seriously, my ego can’t take any more.

So thank you Fleet Feet Sarasota.  Fleet Feet is an awesome chain that is franchised locally around the US.  If you have one near you, stop by.  My experience there has always been awesome, minus the fact that I end up spending gobs of money on new shoes and clothes and socks and oh wait!  Is that a visor?  I think I need that too.

It’s like a shiny object in front of a cat.  I’m hopeless.

7.16.2013

Warm Up: The yoga one from hell

Yep, super-pervy-but-we-love-him-anyway coach is back.  I actually paid attention today so the warm up is as follows:

Run 500
10 leg swings front to back/side to side each leg
10 hip circles in a runners lunge, 10 hamstring stretches each leg x2
Get into the bottom of a squat- put one hand on the ground the other overhead twisting 10x each side
Lean back, flip over, twist yourself up like a pretzel and do a nose to the ground push up x2 each side
Then from a crab walk position, throw your hips up and one arm back 2x each size
Haven’t fallen over yet?  Awesome.  Back to the bottom of a squat
Now to a down dog.
Divebomber, stay in the cobra and twist right to left 10x each side
Down dog
Knee to nose and kick back (in a down dog still) 10x each side
Still with me?  Cool, do another dive bomber
Ok now stand up and do 10 air squats
10 ankle circles each leg
10 knee circles each direction (teach me how to Dougie)
10 hip circles each way
10 spinal twists
10 arm circles front/back each side
10 wrist circles each way
and finally, 5 burpees

Your torture is finished.  Ta da!

SWOD: Front squat 5×5

1×10@33 warm up
3×5@53
1×5@58
1×5@63

It’s important for me to say here, I’m on day 9 of the Whole 30 and I am really zapped right now.  I had no idea how much crap I was putting into my body and how badly it was affecting me.  I do have more energy than I did late last week, but my strength is still really low.  I should have been able to work up to 83 or so on these lifts, but I simply didn’t have it today.  Thanks to sexy-soccer-girl for pushing me a bit, otherwise I wouldn’t have moved past 53.

WOD: Nasty Girls

3 RFT
50 Air Squats
7 Muscle Ups
10 Hang Power Cleans

Score: ??? with ring dips green band and @53

This was fun in that totally sadistic way.  I’ve wanted to do this workout since I first started CF, and when I saw it posted last night I was super excited as I knew I could finish it.  The air squats were rough, especially that last round, but I kept pep talking myself by reminding myself I have done Murph, I can get thru 150 squats.

This was also the first time I’ve tried ring dips.  Up until this point I’ve used the boxes.  I’m glad I used the rings.  There was a whole new level of challenge with stabilizing them, and I loved it.

Cleans are my favorite movement, and since they were from the hang I knew my back would be ok.  I would have liked to go heavier, but I’m still nursing that injury a bit.

All in all, awesome workout.  My only regret?  I didn’t even look at the clock when I collapsed at the end.  No idea my time.  Grumble.

7.15.2013

shifu

Yet again, my alarm and I waged war for the 6 a.m. class.  I am bigger, so I won, but really it wasn’t a victory to be celebrated.  I ended up dragging my ass to the 6:30 p.m. class to try to outrun the monsoon.

Warm Up: The usual

Mobility:  Foam roll lats, lacrosse ball the snot out of my back

SWOD: Push Press 5×5

1×10@33 warm up
1×5@ 53
1×5@ 63
1×5@73
2×5@78

This felt really great.  I was paired up with two girls I hadn’t lifed with before.  One was really strong overhead.  She kept wanting to jerk it.  That lead to a round of hilarity with Coach Shifu making “that’s what she said” jokes until we all lost our composure.  It was sensational.

In regards to the weight, the 78 was heavy, but not as heavy as the last time I lifted it.  I probably should have tried for 83, but I’m not sure I could have made the full 5 reps.  As a reminder to myself, next time, especially if we’re doing a rep scheme of 3, try for more weight.

WOD: 5 RFT
Run 250
25 DUs

Time: 11:20

It’s no secret that I’m the slowest runner on the planet, so this actually wasn’t *that* slow for me… even though I got lapped by nearly everyone in the class on my 4th round.  I didn’t care, I finished gosh darn it.  I even had some company in the form of future-frolicking-dad-to-be who played cheerleader for me on the last lap.  I sorta wanted to punch him because he was walking BACKWARDS as fast as I was running (I wish I was exaggerating), but in the end it was really motivational.

I also ran into sexy-soccer-girl who skipped the morning as well and we made a 6 a.m. pact for Tuesday.  Always nice to have someone who you know will make fun of you if you skip.

What not to do in public showers

clumsy

I never thought I would consider getting naked in the parking lot of my workplace.  Okay, so maybe it’s not exactly in the parking lot, it’s in a wooden enclosure off to the side, and it’s for a good reason.  My employer has recently installed an outdoor shower.

We’re a pretty active bunch around here, and in the cooler months a group of us cycle during lunch.  During the summers there’s a group who meets in the mornings to ride, but alas I don’t join them, because I’m at Crossfit.

I’m not logging as many miles on the bike as I would like, and I’ve petitioned a few folks to bring back our lunch rides.  We’ll be riding tomorrow.  And after the ride in the 95 degree heat with 100% humidity, I’m going to want a shower.

So here we are at the part where I’m considering getting naked in the parking lot.

For the average person, this is a great idea.  A chance at a quick shower before going back to work so as to be less offensive to the coworkers.

For someone as clumsy as me, however, this feels like a recipe for disaster.

Have I ever told you the story of how I ended up with a concussion from shaving my twat in a gym locker room?

Yeah.  My foot that was propped above my head to give me ahem… access… slipped off the wall and I fell over into the slimy public shower curtain with such force I ripped the rod right off its hinges, fell out of the shower, and whacked myself on the tile floor.  When I came to several moments later I was surrounded by NAKED 60 year old women trying to help me up with my hand still holding a razor sandwiched between my legs.

I ended up with a half shaved hoo hoo, a huge goose egg on my head and one hell of a story.

So I’m sure you can see my trepidation about showering in the parking lot.  Granted, there won’t be any netherbits grooming, this will be a quick rinse and fluff, but I will need to be extra careful so as to avoid any CPR needs while nude in the workplace.