I admit, I deserve a throat punch

My colon is on a war path today.

It might have something to do with the entire bottle of wine I drank last night.  Or it might have something to do with the fact that the entire bottle of wine chased down pretty much an entire Chinese restaurants worth of every deep fried, delicious, MSG infused thing you can think of.

And that was just dinner.  Furthermore, that was just yesterday.

Do you ever talk to yourself?  I do.  And not just because I’m nuts.  Sometimes, talking to myself gives me some perspective.

This morning my conversation went something like, “Nicole, why did you do this to yourself?”

I’m sure you all remember last week when I was whining about my health, learning that I need to eat more, and was super motivated to figure this whole thing out.

Feel free to throat punch me today for doing exactly what I said I shouldn’t do, and eating more of all the wrong things.

Literally, all of them.

I’m pretty sure if you could name something that could potentially have negative health effects or inflame my immune and digestive system, I ate it over this weekend.

I don’t even have a hollow leg to blame it on.

I’m determined not to beat myself up any more than I already have and find a way to learn and move forward.

I am very lucky in that my downfall is not lack of knowledge.  People who simply do not KNOW how to be successful have a really hard path to try to follow.  But me?  I know exactly what I have to do.  My path while not easy, is simple.  I simply need to execute the plan that I already have, and use the knowledge that I’ve already gained to do the things that I know will allow me to be successful.

If knowledge is power, I’m freaking Wonder Woman.  Now let’s crack that whip… er… I mean… lasso.



22 thoughts on “I admit, I deserve a throat punch

  1. Oh….we all have those days! We had the county fair this weekend. I’m happy to say that I ONLY went ONE DAY. And this is what I consumed: 1 grilled cheese sandwich, 5 tini-weeny donuts, a few french fries w/cheese sauce, a bite of funnel cake…and like 5 Summer Shandys.

    Yeah—we all have those days…Monday’s HERO WOD made me regret all of those decisions.

    1. I think that’s what makes me crazy. It’s not a matter of learning, it’s a matter of DOing. My husband has started asking me, “are you going to feel good or hate yourself if you eat that?” and sometimes it helps to remind me of my goals.

      I need to find the strength within myself to remind myself of them.

  2. I’m blaming it on a holiday weekend. I’m catching up with a bunch of blogs and nearly everyone posted about not eating right. I sure didn’t. But now I’m home and I can make better choices and eat better and get back to the box and all that crap that is supposed to make me live forever. Or something like that.

  3. Not to be an enabler or anything (says she who dove into a Diet Dew and a pack of mini Chips Ahoy cookies on the way home from the first day of the school year today), but here’s my perspective as a behavior analyst and official carb-addict. All that crap may not be good for us, but it IS reinforcing (it’s a reward). It may be reinforcing because of the way we react to carbs, or the way we were raised with food as part of celebrations, etc…but whatever the reason, we can’t deny that it’s a powerful reinforcer. And no matter how much our head knows of the evils of sugar and grains…our bodies and (sometimes) our emotions respond positively to food. After all, if food wasn’t hugely reinforcing animals would all starve to death rather than exert the effort to go get it. So we’ve evolved to be all about the food. And KNOWING differently still doesn’t change how wired we are to want food. So I guess I’m saying…don’t be too hard on yourself. Understand why you sometimes want to eat “bad” stuff, and realize that sometimes (like on the first day of school) you’re gonna want an extra reinforcer. (It would be great if something other than chocolate and Diet Dew did it for me…but so far I haven’t found anything!) Anyway, it sounds like you are doing awesome with your Crossfit journey (Angry Annie just about reduced me to tears yesterday, I sucked so bad at it), so don’t be too hard on yourself when biology occasionally gets the better of you!

    1. This was really insightful, thanks for posting. I really do believe that if I better understand WHY I make the choices I make, I can work to improve them. Knowing that a lot of my junk food choices (ok all of them) are emotional and not actual physical needs can help me to make better ones in the future.

    1. I’m glad to know I’m not alone. And remember, we’re not “starting over.” We’ve already come a long way, and one set back doesn’t reset us back to the beginning. 🙂

  4. I worry about you when we don’t hear from you for a few days…you seem to do better at sticking to your goals when you’re blogging, so keep writing! And thanks for sharing your bad days as well as your good ones as that is not easy for everyone to do.

    1. That’s an amazing reminder! Thank you for that. You’re right, when I blog regularly I feel accountable to all of cyber space not to eat every MSG morsel I can get my lips around. 🙂

  5. I totally had a binge week…or 12 days…or whatever. Get back in the saddle girlie, not only can you get back on track, you can reverse this! In a way, I think it was good for me to FEEL how disgusting all that crap made me feel…it didn’t stop me from doing it, but it’s a step in the right direction…

  6. I always eat a lot during festive seasons too… I will usually blend some detoxifying green smoothie the next day to get rid of the greasy/bloated feeling. But I think it’s ok to cheat once in awhile 🙂

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