Let me preface this by saying, I had an AWFUL day today.  I seriously debated whether or not to even go to Crossfit tonight, and even told a friend jokingly before hand that I was nervous that I would end up getting frustrated and bursting into tears.

Yeah, that’s totally foreshadowing.

Went to 5:30 p.m.  Another big class.  My heel is SCREAMING today, so no running again for me.

Warm Up:  The usual

Mobility:  Pass thrus on the LX ball (ouch)
Hip and ankle band stretches

1×5@33 warm up
1×3@58 PR
1×3@63 PR
1×3@68 PR

I feel like I haven’t done OHS for strength in FOREVER.  I knew I would get a PR today, but I honestly didn’t expect it to be 15 lbs!  Yay!  The squat work I’ve been doing with super awesome girl coach has really helped me with keeping my torso upright, which has in turn really helped me to be able to stabilize my upper body with this lift.

*whispers* I could have gone heavier.

Super awesome.

Hang Squat Cleans

Time:  Who f@ck&ing cares @33 lbs

I was starting to feel better mentally after the PRs when we were getting set up for the WOD.  I set my bar up at 53 lbs, did three reps and decided that was a little too ambitious given all the OHS we just did, and the fact that I had did a bike ride over lunch.  I took it down to 43 lbs, did a few reps and decided I could hang with that.

321 go and we were off.  The first 21 burpees actually weren’t bad.  Usually I have to break after 10 to catch my breath, but I had a nice even (aka slow) pace so I just sort of worked through them.

Step up to the bar and do 5 cleans no problem.

Clean #6 my right quad cramps up so bad that I literally fall on my ass.  And thus the WOD deteriorated from there.  I NEVER strip weight mid-WOD, but ended up doing it a few reps later, down to just the bar.  I could NOT shake out my quad, and as a result every 3-4 attempts I ended up on my ass.  I don’t know how I got thru the set of 21, but I’m pretty sure it involved a lot of telling myself that if I did my quad would have a minute to relax.

I don’t think I’ve ever hoped for burpees so badly in my entire life.

15 burpees.  Slow and steady, back up to the bar for cleans and BAM on my butt again on the first attempt… and the second… and the third.

At this point I’m ashamed to say I threw down the bar (with no rubber on it, SORRY COACH) and BURST into tears.

Not even like, cute girly tears either.  But those like sobbing can’t catch your breath snot running down your face tears.

I have never, ever EVER in my entire life wanted to quit so badly as I did in that moment.  There were people DONE with the workout at this point, and I still hadn’t even started my set of 15 cleans.  My quad was cramping so bad that I actually was wondering if I had torn the muscle and on my next attempt the bone was going to snap and come flying out my skin, or something equally as gruesome.

Clearly, I had a lot of positive self talk going on.

So I stood there and cried for about a minute.  I know, because I was watching the clock.  Then I took a deep breath, pulled myself together, and finished the damn workout.

It was UGLY.  So ugly.  Coach was cheering me on and I just kind of kept crying.  He knew something was wrong but knew better than to ask I think, and just kept telling me to pick up the bar.  A few of the people in the next class cheered me on as well, yelling for me to finish.  The dudes that had been around me that were LONG done with their workouts hung out and counted down my last few reps for me.

For the record, I LOVE YOU ALL. 

All told I think it took me about 13 minutes to get through it, which I can’t even fathom.  It felt like an hour.

But the funny thing?  I left it ALL on the floor in class.  I left feeling a thousand times better, and everything that had happened didn’t really matter any longer.

I’m stronger than all of it.  I guess the universe has a funny way of reminding you of that sometimes.


25 thoughts on “9.10.2013

    1. Thanks!

      It was just a cramp. I rolled it out at the end of the workout and it’s fine today. I think it was a combo of bad headspace and emotional over reacting that made me think I was going to end up with an amputated limb.

      1. Exactly! You did see the part where that was a 15 lbs PR right? I honestly didn’t think I would get that far, and when I did I surprised myself. 🙂

        I’m even more badass than I thought.


  1. Yowza, I’m glad your quad is ok! CrossFit always made me feel better when I went after work…now I go in the morning, to 1) get it done and 2) spare my co-workers the wrath that builds up by waiting, haha!

  2. I just had a very similar day. Just no one saw me bawling my eyes out since our 400m course takes us around a corner. :/ at least it’s all in the past now. I went to target to cheer myself up. Target makes life better. Always.

    1. Um yes. Tar-jay as I like to call it has cured me of sickness, depression, bi polar disorder and even momentarily silenced the voices in my head.

      The only thing that would make it better is if there were live puppies to play with. Then, I would never leave. I would live in their patio furniture section camped out on the hammock.

  3. Somehow I missed this when it was posted and I’m so glad I saw it: AMAZING! Fighting through tears, and I can feel your pain (been there and I know what the voices in your head are saying)!. And, quite honestly, a relief that I’m not the only one who occasionally breaks down during a WOD. You’re so awesome!

    1. Thanks WarriorGirl! It was not my proudest moment, but in hindsight I am pretty proud I didn’t just walk away from that barbell.

      It’s kind of cool to realize you’re stronger than you think.

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