I’m on one hell of a roller coaster at the moment. Day 1, I neurotically plan out every morsel that will pass my lips over the next seven days. Including cheat meals, nights I will drink, the works. I create a grocery list and meticulously shop for every item. I cook several evenings worth of meals, portion them off into microwave friendly containers. I stick to the plan like a freaking bodybuilder during their cut weeks leading up to a show… for exactly one week.
Then, I go out drinking, have an unplanned cheeseburger and all hell breaks loose.
Somewhere between 7 and 21 days later, I find myself back at the bottom, crawling my way up with my neurosis firmly trudging forward so we can take the ride again.
Doubt me? Go back and read the last two months of my blog. Tell me how many times I have a “come to Jesus” with myself about eating and exercise.
I’ve got to get off this ride. I’m starting to get whiplash.
When I look back at the past year of my journey, I am so amazed with how far I’ve come. The gains I’ve seen in strength, and the progress I’ve made in my overall health and wellness because of Crossfit have been pretty amazing.
But here’s the ugly truth kittens. I started doing Crossfit because I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to see a physical, aesthetic difference in my body.
At the end of the day, while I’m impressed with how much I can squat, that fundamental reason hasn’t changed.
And what’s more, it’s not Crossfit that will get me to where I want to be aesthetically. That comes down to my diet. That comes down to me.
There’s a ton of memes out there that talk about how you can’t out train a bad diet, and they are all true.
When I look around me at other women who have started Crossfit around the time I have, I see some amazing results. In some cases, I see the results I’m looking for. In every case, I hear stories of how they overhauled their diet and that is the key to their success.
I can pout all I want and tell myself that I too have changed the way I eat. Sure I have, about 30% of the time. The rest of the time, I’m on the loopy downward spiraling part of the coaster that looks exactly like what I was doing before Crossfit.
I can whine about it, or not. I can blog about it, or not. None of that changes whether I follow a solid nutrition plan… or not.
I am the only one who can change that.
I’ve said before that one piece of what I’ve tried to learn through this journey is to not be so hard on myself. I am trying. But sometimes, even someone as passive as me needs some tough love. So here is my tough love to myself.
I am better than this.
I am stronger than this.
I know HOW to be successful.
Stop whining about how hard it is, and how you’re starting over again and just DO what you know you need to in order to achieve your goals.
I’m not starting over, I’m starting from here. And every good decision is one step forward.
But this time, rather than climbing to the top of the roller coaster drop for another ride, let’s envision climbing to the top of a mountain. A big, steep climb that isn’t going to happen quickly, but once I’m there I will have a whole new perspective.
Maybe I’ll turn into one of those furry mountain people that doesn’t ever want to come down.