Dreams are so much better when they’re naked

dreams

Dreams are funny little buggers.  I really enjoy some of them. Especially the ones where I don’t want to wake up because I’m so SO close to having way too much of a good time.  I guess you could say that I’m lucky that my subconscious is both very creative and very realistic with the stuff it comes up with.

Though when the dreams are NOT so good, that doesn’t exactly work to my advantage.

It’s amazing how our subconscious can remind us of things we don’t want to remember, or bring to life fears we didn’t even realize we have.  I know there are many different theories on dreaming, and after mine of the past new nights, I had to know what the hell is going on in my brain.

Fancy that, in her article published in Psychology Today, Ilana Simons presents five modern theories on why we dream.   The fourth theory relates to dreams being a way of giving ourselves our own personal psychotherapy.  Simons says:

“Ernest Hartmann, a doctor at Tufts, focuses on the emotional learning that happens in dreams. He has developed the theory that dreaming puts our difficult emotions into pictures. In dreams, we deal with emotional content in a safe place, making connections that we would not make if left to our more critical or defensive brains. In this sense, dreaming is like therapy on the couch: We think through emotional stuff in a less rational and defensive frame of mind. Through that process, we come to accept truths we might otherwise repress. Dreams are our nightly psychotherapy.” Source

That’s all fine and well, but then why do I wake up from my dreams and carry their weight with me?  In this case, for days at a time?

Two nights ago I had a dream that reminded me of one of the most traumatic times in my life.  Believe it or not, it was my senior year of high school, and through a series of events I ended up quitting something that was hugely important to me, alienating all of my friends, and nearly losing myself in the process.

In hindsight, I see clearly why things played out the way that they did and understand what lead to these decisions.  I can even accept that, at the time, this was the right decision to be made.  But sure, I still think about the choices I made frequently.  And yeah, I still hate that I quit something that was so incredibly important to me.

I had never quit anything before, and can honestly say that I haven’t given up on anything that important since.  I’m certain that my fear of failure ties directly to this one decision that I made almost 15 years ago, even if I did make it for the right reasons.

So that was Sunday night.  I spent the better part of yesterday hugely introspective and unsettled with nagging feelings of guilt and failure.

When I crawled into bed last night I was at first nervous that I wouldn’t sleep, but I fell asleep easily.  Now I kinda wish I hadn’t.

I only remember slivers of my dream last night, but like most of my others it was realistic as hell.  I was at Crossfit and Coach was yelling at me.  Not “come on you can do it” yelling, but angry yelling.  He was extremely upset with me, but I had no idea why.  I can’t remember anything that was said except “I am so damn disappointed in you.”

I’m not even kidding that I woke up nearly in tears.

I mean come ON subconscious, please don’t take my safe place and someone I know who believes in me and do THAT.  That’s just unfair.

So again today I’m really unsettled.  My failures are weighing on me even though they have no reason to.  I know that I’m a little too far in my headspace and need to just stop, but I’m struggling to do so.

Clearly, subconscious brain didn’t go to shrink school, because man she sucks at this therapy crap.

Why can’t I just have dreams that I’m flying or naked like normal people?

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15 thoughts on “Dreams are so much better when they’re naked

    • A lot of times with the sexy ones, espeically ones featuring the hubs, I don’t realize they’re dreams. Then I wake up and I’m totally disappointed that he’s snoring away and not doing… ahem… what he had been 10 seconds before. 😀

  1. So, this is my thing with dreams. From ages 7-9, I had a reoccurring dream that this dinosaur was chasing me. A T.REX. I mean he was chasing me down streets, down rivers, I was hiding in cabinets and he was opening them with his little hands and looking at me…terrifying. Finally, after nearly 3 years of this crap, dream-me turned around and said “WHY DO YOU KEEP CHASING ME! WHAT DO YOU WANT?” and T.Rex said “why, to invite you to tea, my dear.” and a top hat appeared. i never dream about the damn dinosaur again.

    what the moral of this story is you are right. Our subconscious weighs heavily on us and dreams like yours that take place in more realistic settings tend to bite us more than dreams about dinosaurs. At the end of the day, when our confidence grows, than those doubts and self conscious thoughts that manifest in dreams will be easier to overcome.

  2. I am a very active and lucid dreamer. I have an agreement w/ my husband to wake me when I act out in my sleep (but do it gently and just keep repeating “Sandy, its just a dream. You’re dreaming…” I know what you mean about the dreams that can weigh on your whole entire day. Your day could be great, but there is impending dread in the background…just from a bad dream. Sometimes I “wake up” and I’m still in the dream, and I talk to my husband and insist he kill the spiders on my pillow.

    Anyway, the best advice I’ve ever heard regarding dreams is this…the dream is never about the dream, but about the feelings. And not the feelings tied exactly to who was featured in the dream. So, for your dream about your coach…the theory is just that deep inside you are fearful of disappointing someone who means the world to you. It could be your coach, it could be your gym as a whole.

    I often dream about people kidnapping my children. And me ripping their faces open by their jaws. But yeah…those are pretty much real because that’s exactly what I’d do.

    • Husband frequently “wakes up” and is still in the dream. He’s pretty funny when he starts talking to me about my investment portfolio in his sleep.

      One of my close friends just read my blog and had this to say in interpretation:
      “…your subconscious flipping the script on you and giving you a false impression of your coach. I think your coach in your dream is really you and how you feel about what you’ve been working for. I think you’re struggling with the lack of results, considering all your hard work.”

      It seems that you and she have similar theories about the feelings being the important thing here.

    • I think my brain is playing a joke on me that’s simply not funny. I’m not scared of my Coach, and I know that I would never actually disappoint him.

      That, and I can’t even picture him angry. Making inappropriate jokes? Sure. But not angry.

  3. All my life, up until 2 or 3 years ago, I would vividly remember every detail of my dreams and I would be extremely unsettled. Then one day it just stopped. WHEN I sleep these days I don’t remember a thing. The only dreams I do remember are ones attached to Coach.

    Most recently: Coach died and I just curled up on top of his grave. No crying, no nothing just curled up in a ball, intermittently saying something about my lifts. Amy Poehler walked by with balloons but I think that’s just because I finished my marathon of Parks & Rec – don’t think she was really vital to the plot line.

    Our coaches are so important to us it makes sense that we would attach our fears to them in dreamland. I hope you dream about naked people tonight and make it so good the residual energy from a couple nights ago is shooed away.

  4. I don’t remember dreams, but I often wake up with a suddenly realized problem or issue to deal with that must have been some residual part of my dreaming.

    I hope you have sweet dreams soon.

    • I work with a girl who swears that she figures out code and conversion issues in her sleep. She doesn’t remember her dreams, but she comes to work in the morning with the answers that she couldn’t figure out the day before.

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