Apparently I shouted “NO REP” in my sleep last night

Guess what blog-o-verse?!  The CROSSFIT OPEN is only something like 37 days away.  

If you’re a Crossfitter, you know what this means.  And chances are you’ve been practicing your DU’s and T2B with a vengeance because you know we will be punished with a 444 minute AMRAP of them both (or something equally as sadistic) in just a few short weeks.

If you’re NOT a Crossfiter, here’s my explanation:

So the Crossfit games are like the Crossfit Olympics.  You might have seen them on ESPN.  Good stuff.  In order to get to the Games you have to compete in the Open, qualify for Regionals, and then the top 3 men and women from each region go to the Games.  It’s pretty standard stuff.  But here’s the cool part… literally ANYONE can register for the Crossfit Open.  It’s $25, you do it online, and can get a chance to get to what is basically the Crossfit Olympics.

This is cool stuff people.  This is a really unique model of competition, and I’m excited to be a part of it again this year.

As the sport has continued to grow, the Crossfit powers that be continue to tweak the way they do things in the Open, since it has the potential to be a logistical nightmare determining who the best of the best are in each region, and having a fair Regional competition.

This year they have added some rules around how athletes will advance.  Most of us just do it to do it, and have fun competing and sweating with others at our boxes.  But the best of the best who think they may have a run at regionals will need to submit a video of their workout each week, as well as be judged by a certified Crossfit judge.

And now we get to my sleep talking.

I want to be a judge.  Not only do I think it will be super cool to get to watch the top athletes at my box give it all they’ve got for a shot to go to Regionals in the workouts, but I’m one of those nerds who really wants to see the brand and reputation of this sport grow as it grows nationwide, and I can totally get behind enforced judging standards and accountability.  Not to mention, IF we do have an individual or a team go to Regionals, I am TOTALLY going to be there, and as a certified judge I could volunteer to judge while there.  How AWESOME would that be?!

So I’m taking the course online. 

And dreaming about it.  Last night, I yelled “NO REP” at one of the monsters at my box and he throat punched me.  In my dream of course.

Maybe I’m having second thoughts…

If you’re interested in becoming a judge for the open, check out the link here:


1.21.2014 Workouts

Feeling a little sore, but it feels good to be back in the swing of things.

SWOD: Press 5×5 (33, 53, 53, 58, 58, 58)

The last two sets were really tough, almost didn’t make the last rep of the last set.  I am, however, pretty pleased to see I haven’t lost much strength on this lift.  This is about where I was at before my hiatus on the longer sets.

Run (row) 400
12 sit ups
24 DUs (or 2 bupees and 24 SUs)

Time: 16:49 with row and SU’s

This was fun.  I actually really like these types of WOD’s where the name of the game is just to keep moving.  

Now if I could just get double unders….

30 minutes on the spin bike at a steady pace.

Met Blondie at the gym for a quick workout in the afternoon.  We did a 20 minute circuit of:

4 Rounds
:45 seconds on :15 seconds rest

DB Thrusters
DB back fly
DB lunges with biceps curl
Plank with side twists
High Knees

Then we followed it with a quick core circuit of:
10 opposite hand to foot crunches each leg
10 db twists
10 super mans 

2 rounds

It was a fun little workout and a nice compliment to Crossfit.

Don’t be a Jesus Freak at Wal-Mart

I loathe shopping at Wal-Mart.

Ok actually that’s not entirely true.  The shopping experience itself actually isn’t all that bad.  There are some great deals, and they certainly have every frigging thing you can think of under one roof, so there IS that.

But what I detest about Wal-Mart is the check out process.  In my experience, there are always lines of people 10 deep, many with more than one shopping card loaded to it’s maximum capacity.  Frankly, I get it.  Why go unless you’re going to hunker down for the apocalypse?  I mean, I’ve been known to buy ammo AND bananas on the same trip.

But I digress.

Today I was in desperate need of a water filter for my refrigerator.  After visiting two Lowe’s, a Home Depot and a Target, I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to go to Wal-Mart for this elusive device.  I waited and planned and decided that 3 p.m. would probably be the best time to attempt my excursion. 

As expected, the shopping experience was pretty seamless.  I found the water filter, also remembered that I needed toothpaste, eggs, bananas, and picked up a set of glitter pens because I just couldn’t resist.  

When I got to the checkout with my 5 items, as per usual, the “10 items or less” line had about 80 people in it, and three other registers were open, each with a sizable line of their own.  Seeing as I hadn’t been drinking yet, I had a feeling this might be a stressful situation.

But much to my surprise, the couple that was in front of the guy in front of me in line, and had a large shopping cart full of groceries, offered to let both the guy in front of me (with just a few items) AND me jump in front of them!

Joy!  Elation!  

Unfortunately, I wasn’t going to get off that easily.  As soon as I squeezed in my place in line, the elderly gentlemen asked me if I “know where I’m going?”

I looked at him surprised.  “Well sir, I’m only 30 and the Alzheimer’s hasn’t yet set it, so yeah, I’m pretty clear.  Uh, do you?”  I responded.

“No no no!” Screeched his wife.  Lowering her voice only slightly she continued, “after this.  Do you know where you’re going after this?”

This was getting weird.  “Yes ma’am.  I’m going home to install my new water filter.”

At this point, they are clearly getting more than a little flustered.  Since it’s possible they are a crazy knife wielding 70 year old murderous couple I’m considering using my newly acquired glitter pens as a weapon when finally he clarifies.

“After this life dear.  Are you right with the Lord?  Are you SURE you’re going to Heaven?”

Uh… um… “Thank you for your concern sir, I really appreciate it.”  Really?  At least I managed to bite my tongue and not tell them that I write regularly about poop and sex and the term “accidental orgasm” has brought over 6,000 visitors to my blog in the past few months.

But he wasn’t done yet.  He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a full color 18 page illustrated pamphlet.  “Here,” he says, “read this and follow these instructions.  This will guarantee your place in the house of the Lord when you die.”

At this point I had paid for my items and was about to walk out of the store and never see these people again.  While I really do believe that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, it’s shit like this that just rubs me the wrong way.  

So what did I do?  You ask?

Simple, I responded, “Oooh thanks!  It really would be great if there were some way I could make up for all of those lesbian group orgies that I filmed in college.  Oh, and that accidental murder.  But I’m totally down with a goat sacrifice.  What page is that on?  Goody.  Thanks again.”

And I skipped off.

Here’s hoping I didn’t give the old guy a heart attack.  Keep an eye on the news kittens.  If you read about a man down in Wal-Mart, know he’s totally going to a better place.

1.20.2014 Workouts

I have been such a lazy blogger.  I’m “temporarily retired” at the moment, which should mean I have gobs of time to update my blog and entertain my loyal readers, but what it actually seems to be translating into is that I’m NEVER at my computer.  Wow.  Who knew I wasn’t really THAT addicted to technology?

Anyhoo, rather that bore you to the point that you want to eat gobs of chocolate with all my workouts since last week, I’m just starting fresh with today.  Goals not really hit last week, but I made forward progress so I’m focusing on the positive.

SWOD:  Front Squat 5×5
3×10 single leg RDL
3×10 steps R and L in little circle band

Front Squat Was:
1×10 zombie @ 33
3×5@ 53
1×5@ 53

Still battling to get my “oomph” back.  I know the strength will come back eventually, but it’s frustrating as hell to be struggling with half of what I used to be able to squat no problem.

8 minute AMRAP
5 hang power cleans
5 shoulder to OH
**10 DL penalty every time you drop the bar**

Score:  Honestly, no idea?  I used 53 lbs (65 was Rx, and I could have done it, but I would have ended up doing a LOT of DL methinks).  I did 4 rounds total of DL, but literally could not tell ya how many rounds of the actual workout I did.  I kept breaking on something silly like my 3rd power clean, so my brain had to remember 10 deadlifts, then that I still needed to do 2 more cleans, so all the other numbers fell out of my head.

Oh well still a great workout.


First time on my bike outside in almost 10 weeks!  Due to a bunch of medical complications, I had to put riding on the back burner for a loooong time.  I was SO excited that it was sunny and warm enough today to get out there.

Did an easy 10 miles at a 15ish mph pace.  I’ve definitely lost some endurance, but man I LOVE my new bike.  I barely had a chance to break it in before my hiatus, and I’m really excited to put in some miles to get ready for an upcoming 65 mile ride the last week in March!

Can one of my goals be to get out of bed every day?

Last week will from here forward be referred to as my “benchmarking week.”

Coming off my 7 week hiatus from doing anything even remotely healthy for myself (unless you count all the red wine I was drinking as healthy?  No?  Not so much?  Bottle a night doesn’t qualify for health benefits?  Well ok then.  Bastard.) last week was kind of a re-boot week for myself.

My Wednesday confession and subsequent pep talks got me back into the gym, but other than that I was just working on getting back into a habit of doing anything healthy for myself.

I tracked my sleep, food intake, and weight over a 7 day period so I would have some idea of where I’m starting from.

It’s not pretty kittens.  At the moment, as I’m temporarily retired, I’m sleeping way more than necessary.  I’m also eating way WAY more than I need to be, and while it’s still relatively nutrient dense, my portions are out of control.  As you might imagine, my weight is up and I’m itching to get some goals in place to get myself in check.

So without further ado, here are my goals for this week.  Yeah, they might seem “easy” to the fit and freaking irritating, but for me, I need to take baby steps to make my health a habit again.

5 Crossfit classes this week.  Scale as needed to get the work in.
Track all food and calories (I use myfitnesspal app).  Keeps cals under 2000 daily.
Include a serving of veggies with every meal.
Drink no more than 3 nights this week (baby steps here, baby steps).
Get out of bed by 8 a.m. daily.

Once I’m successful this week, I’ll add more for next week!

How about you guys and gals?  What are you going to do this week to reach your goals?

1.11.2014 Workouts

I just realized I’ve been still dating stuff 2013 haven’t I?  Man, need to get with it.

Proud of myself for clawing my way out of bed on Saturday and going to the class.  I usually avoid Saturday’s like the plague because sometimes they’re some sort of crazy hard partner workout and public puking isn’t really my thing, but in an effort to keep with my motivation for the week, I went.

I’m glad I did.

Warm Up:  Usual stuff.  This is a huge class so it’s always fun to see people I haven’t seen in forever.

WOD:  20 minute row

4000m in 21 minutes

The goal for today was just to go slow and steady and break up the lactic acid from the workout on Friday.  I was grateful for it.  The class actually did a 2.5 mile run, but since I’m not running at the moment, I just pulled the rower outside and did a nice steady state row.

This was probably the easiest pace I could manage without falling asleep.  I could have done this all day.

Good stuff.


1.8.2014 – 1.10.2014 Workouts

I don’t normally do posts with more than one day, but I’m a bit behind and figured I would do a quick catch-up-and-prove-I-really-did-it post.  🙂


First day back at my box in almost 7 weeks.  I almost didn’t go.  In fact, I put it off all the way until 4:30 before I finally worked up the nerve to do it.  I publicly called myself out to the group to give myself the accountability too.

Man I’m glad I went.

Warm Up:  Still the usual.  Except I felt like I might DIE half way thru.  That’s new.  Let’s hope that passes quickly.

Mobility:  Hamstring stretching with the bands.

SWOD:  Snatch Deadlift 5×5? @ 53 lbs

I honestly don’t remember the rep scheme on this.  Coach said to keep the weight at 55% of your 1 RM  Snatch, but my 1 RM Snatch IS 53 lbs, so I just went for it.  Obviously, this was really light, but my mantra quickly became “I want to be able to walk tomorrow” so I was ok with light.

DB Squat Cleans
DB Push Press

Time: 8:47 @ 10 lbs dumbells

The only movement I hate more than Wall Balls are DB squat cleans.  These bitches are my nemesis… and honestly the reason I almost didn’t go to class.  But I did them.  They sucked bad.  The whole workout sucked bad.  That’s what I get for taking so much time off.


Went to the 9 a.m. class.  I’m not working at the moment, so I’ve got a lot of flexibility with my schedule.  I LOVE my 6 a.m. peeps, but can’t convince myself to get out of bed that early when I have no real reason too.  I’m probably going to bounce around to a few of the classes to figure out where I fit best.

Warm Up:  Usual stuff.  Super awesome girl coach was coaching this class, which I liked.

SWOD:  Snatch Balance 5×3 @ 33 lbs

Again, I kept this really light.  I did make an attempt at 43 lbs but just couldn’t get my arms locked out fast enough.  After failing the rep I scaled it back and finished up at 33.  Lots of time to get stronger, and I want to be able to walk tomorrow (are we sensing a mantra here?)

10 minute AMRAP
5 ball slams
10 HR Push Ups
15 Hollow Rocks
20 Double unders (or 2 burpees + 20 single unders)

Score: 5+15 with 15 lbs ball and SU

I love AMRAPS.  You can’t finish last.  And I actually really liked this AMRAP.  The gymnastic-y movements tend to be my favorites.  I practiced DU’s for a few minutes before and still can’t do even one.  I want this skill bad.


Today went to the noon class.  Went out with hubs and another one of the boys last night and had a late (for me) night that had one too many hard ciders as part of the line up.  Sleeping in was my friend.

Turns out Super Awesome Girl Coach was coaching this class along with one of our 6 a.m. ladies, the New York Ninja, who is a new coach at our box.  I had heard a rumor that she got certified and was SO EXCITED to be in her class.  She is one of those amazingly athletic women that makes you want to either hug her or punch her when she gets her DU’s on her FIRST TRY EVER.  I remember when she and her hubs joined about a year ago, and I’m really excited to work with her.

So anyway, onto the workout.

Warm Up:  Usual Stuff + some fun hip mobility stretches from the Ninja.

20 minute AMRAP
5 power cleans
10 toes to bar
15 wall balls

Score: 185 @ 53 lbs on power cleans, toes to bar done on the ground, wall balls at 10 lbs

Obviously, I did this VERY scaled, and am glad I did.  Other than the t2b I physically could have done it Rx, but it would have taken me the full 20 minutes just to do the power cleans I think!

I love doing the Open workouts though.  Until the Open kicks off we’re going to be doing one every Friday.  I’m stoked.  I want to beat some of my scores from last year.  I am definitely not in as great of shape as I was last year, but I have over a month to improve as much as I can, and I can’t wait for the energy and excitement again this year.

Bitchslapping yourself in public…

When I say that I effing love my Crossfit community, I’m not kidding.  Below is my Facebook post to my Crossfit peeps on Wednesday of this week:

Ok gang, I’m throwing down the gauntlet… on myself. Today marks 7 weeks since I’ve set foot in the box, and I need to snap out of it. What started off as a legitimate excuse (super duper sick) has spiraled out of control and I’m back to being inactive and unhealthy. I’ve made up countless excuses over the past several weeks as to why I’m not yet ready to come back, but here’s the truth, I’m scared. I’ve gained weight… a lot of it. I’ve lost fitness, a lot of it, and I’m super self conscious to come back. But today I woke up and gave myself a bit of a bitch slap. I am the only person who can change this, and I am the only one standing in my way. I know I’m probably not alone, so I’m putting this out there to encourage anyone else who might have some negative inner monologue going on themselves. Waiting another day or week isn’t going to make it better, going to the box and DOING SOMETHING to make it better will. I’ll be there at 4:30 today. I missed you guys.


In response over 20 folks offered words of encouragement, including coach.  Five additional peeps reached out to me privately, told me they faced the same struggle, and we are now each other’s accountability partners with getting back to the box.

My first class back Coach gave me a high five and told me he missed me.  Three different people told me they were there that night because they saw my post and it was the kick in the pants they needed.

It’s just incredible.  Sure, Crossfit offers some great physical benefits.  And yeah, I’m doing it because I want to Hulk out and lose some weight and what not… but I never in a million years could have imagined gaining an entire group of people who are so amazing and supportive through just working out.

This “side benefit” if you will, is what makes this arguably the most awesome thing I’ve ever been a part of.

I mean, other than the horizontal lambata with the hubs.  But that’s a post for another time.

I got called “beefy”… and I liked it!

Holidays with my family are always interesting.  They usually start with Jello shots and Bloody Mary’s by 10 a.m., and once we hit the vodka soaked gummy bears with lunch, things quickly go downhill from there.

Though sometimes there are a few little gems that sparkle brighter than those darn twinkle lights on the tree, and this year it was my dad that totally rocked my world.

Prior to the holidays, I hadn’t seen my Sister since July.  Apparently, before hubs and I got there on Christmas Eve my dad and sis were talking about me, and the topic of my fitness came up.  When my sis had last seen me I had been doing Crossfit for nearly a year, but I know that in the last few months my body has continued to change.  It’s also been swimsuit season, and most every time I had seen my parentals had been in tank tops and bathing suits through the summer.

So as the story goes, my dad was describing my new physique to my sis and told her how “beefy” I was getting.

This was followed by saying I was “thick” and “strong” and “girl has some muscles.”

When my sis got a little bombed and recounted the tale to me, my dad was quick to jump in that he meant it as a compliment.  Little did he know, I thought it was about the most darn awesome thing that he could say about me!

So yeah, I’m beefy bitches.  Like that?  Because I do.


My legs… my LEGS

Why oh why did I think it was a good idea to do “Barbara” after over a month away from Crossfit?

That was Friday.  Today is Tuesday and I am just now able to stand up and sit down without literally needing to use my arms to balance the majority of the weight.  My quads are STILL screaming at me, and I honestly think I should probably avoid squatting for another day or two yet.

I’ve done two EASY 30 minute rides, a lot of foam rolling and stretching, and am still not normal human again.

I wish I were exaggerating.  Yesterday I went to the grocery store and was asked three times by random strangers if I had “hurt myself” or “twisted my ankle” because of the way I was walking.

So yeah, clearly I’ve lost some fitness.

I want to go to CF tonight, but it’s going to be an easy does it workout for sure.

How’s everyone’s New Year’s goals going?