A man who knows what he wants…

Here in Florida it’s really common to have live entertainment at dinner.  One of my favorite places is right on the water, so you can watch a great sunset while jamming out to some Jimmy Buffet tunes and scarfing down coconut shrimp.

Sounds like Heaven, right?

Hubs and I were at dinner the other night and I couldn’t help but notice a sweet little family a few tables over.  There was a little boy who couldn’t have been more than 3 or 4 who listened politely to the musician during each song, and at the end clapped his hands in appreciation.  The mom was awesome at encouraging his great behavior, and as a causal observer it was cool to see her teach her son to appreciate music and be polite.

That is, until the guy on the guitar changed up the tunes a bit.

He played a stirring rendition of a country favorite around these parts, “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off.”

Unlike before, after this number the little man literally couldn’t contain his excitement.  He jumped up in his high chair, and gave a standing, hooting, hollering ovation.

His mother was literally stunned speechless.

I about fell out of my chair laughing.  She’s in big trouble if he is already a man who knows that tequila is the way to any woman’s heart.

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It might surprise you to learn that I’m not really a schmoopy Valentine’s Day person.

Ok that’s a lie.  If you read this blog that probably doesn’t surprise you at all.  Kind of like the fact I’m not wearing pants while writing this post probably isn’t really news to you either.  But I digress…

One thing I DO believe in, however, is supporting charitable organizations.  Much of my career was spent working for nationally recognized not for profit organizations, and I know just how much good they can do.

Now that I’m retired, I still enjoy fundraising for great causes.  To that end, in just 44 days I’m riding a freaking METRIC CENTURY in the Southwest Florida Tour de Cure.

For real people.  I would post a picture of my ass chaffage from all the training rides to prove it, but I don’t want to traumatize any small children or animals.

So other than the chaffage, here’s the rub.  I have a $1500 fundraising goal and I need HELP.  Badly.

If you fellow bloggers would like to give me a push towards the finish line, you can make a secure and tax deductible donation to this great cause here.

Thanks in advance, and stay tuned for some great stories from the road!

What happened to the workouts?!

*Waves*

Hey loyal readers!

And because there are a butt load of you, HEY NEW READERS!  Welcome aboard!

As you’ve probably seen, I’m a Crossfit addict who also does tri-sports (swim, bike and run), as well as blogs about the hilarious and disgusting pretty regularly.

I know we’re still at the start of the year, so we’re all still focused on our resolutions, which probably mean fitness and weight loss goals.  Right?  Right.  Focused.  Yep.  That’s me.

I swear I’m still working out daily, and doing some pretty awesomesauce things in all areas of my training, but you may have noticed I’m no longer posting daily workout recaps or updates.

There’s a few reasons for this, but the main one is that people are douchebags.  Right after the first of the year, I was getting comments from new readers about how slow my times were, how light my weights were, or how boring my posts were.  Obviously, this isn’t really motivating.  But it also let me take a step back and look at the content of my blog.

I want to make you laugh, and provide great stories about things health, fitness, and alcohol related.  (Because they SO go together, right?)  I don’t ever want to be boring, so to that end, I’m keeping track of my fitness elsewhere for the moment.

That’s not to say you won’t get recaps of really great workouts.  Once the Crossfit Open starts I probably won’t be able to contain myself.

I’m going to do my best to bring fun fresh content to you regularly, and if there’s ever anything you want to hear or know or read more about, just ask!  Your feedback, likes, and comments are what keep me posting and loving this blog.

Just don’t be a douchebag.  This is a douche free zone.

“Thick and sexy” is something you should really only ever say about a milkshake

I could not make this stuff up if I tried.

We have a few regular spots where we hang out on Friday nights, and with my usual group of people they always involve places the guys can play pool.

A few weeks back, we were early on in our drinking and bar hopping merriment, and decided to stop at a place that isn’t on the regular list, but has some pretty great tables.  I’m flexible, and as long as they have Whiskey, I’m easy to please.

Within five minutes of walking in the door, we realize we’re not exactly in the classy part of town.  But as I was there with hubs and another dude, I figured not much could go wrong.  We ordered drinks, got a table, and the guys started their smack talking for the night.

A few minutes later, a girl who was obviously on something other than what the bartender was pouring stumbled over to our table asking to bum a cigarette.  At least I think that’s what she asked.  She may have also been asking for a shampoo or a chimpanzee, but either way, I don’t smoke and had none of the above on me.

For some reason, I was trying to be nice to this stranger who just wouldn’t LEAVE ME ALONE.  Hubs came to the rescue a moment later at which point she says:

“Girl, you so THICK and SEXY I’m gonna steal you from your man.”

Uh, what?

My initial response was, “I’m never eating again.”

But after conferring with friends who are a little better with the slang than I, I discovered it was a compliment.

So really, my response should have been:

“Thanks.  I squat.”

After which I think it would have been totally socially acceptable to chase her off with the chalked up end of a pool cue.

Ah people.  Always good for a laugh.