Has this ever happened to you?

So today at the gym I was doing “Renegade Rows” (aka satan and planks had a spawn child during a threesome with dumbbell rows and oh-god-I-think-I-might-die.)  On my third set the sweat was literally dripping down my face, and off the tip of my nose.

Despite the deep burring in my abs, quads, back, arms, legs, ears, and anything else attached to my body the sweat tickled.

I tried exhaling sharply to get it to fly off of there, but no luck.

So on my next rep I tried a sharp nose inhale.

This resulted in my snorting what felt like a freaking full cup of sweat up my schnoz, which caused me to break into this frantic sneezing fit.

I sneezed 8 times.  I also fell over, curled in the fetal position and broke out into the giggles between sneezes.

In the middle of the “man” section of the gym.

On the floor.

You’re welcome to everyone who just stood there and started at me.  For once I was the most entertaining person at the gym.

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Where DO you get those workout clothes?!

It would seem I’m fashionable and shit.  At the gym anyway.  Outside of the gym there’s a good bet that I’m not wearing pants.  And if I did manage to put on pants, there’s definitely no bra, and my hair is totally not brushed.  It’s like one of those “you pick two” combos.  You don’t get it all at once.

But inside the gym, apparently I’m cute.  I’ve been asked pretty much every day this week where I got my top/capris/socks/shoes/headband/yoga mat/fill in any other random thing by fellow lady sweaters.

Since I frequently wonder the same thing about great gear I see at the gym, I thought it was time to throw my shortlist of places to shop out to the interwebz for your paycheck-spending pleasure.

Fabletics

I’ve done a few product reviews on their stuff here and here and am still really happy with my stuff.  I first ordered from them back in December and STILL wear my first pair of Lima Capris at least once a week.  The quality is decent, the price point is great, and lately they’ve been coming out with so many fun patterns I get nothing but compliments when I sport them at the gym.  I was wearing these earlier this week and got asked more than once where I got them from:

Fabletics Capris

Athleta

I basically love everything Athleta has ever made.  I’ve done a product review for them here, but can say without hesitation that their stuff is amazing.  They also are on the fun printed capri bandwagon, and while their stuff can be a bit pricy, they have a GREAT sale section on their site.  As an insider tip, sign up for their emails and you will frequently will receive offers for an extra 20% off of clearance.  I can’t say enough about the quality of their stuff.  In addition to a great product, their site boasts some really helpful product reviews, and they have free shipping on orders over $50.

Lululemon

Probably not surprisingly, I’m also a big fan of Lululemon.  While I will say, at the moment I am purchasing much more Athleta than Lulu, I have several pieces from them that make up the core of my fitness wear.  I get constant compliments on my Wonder Under Crops every time I wear them, and my favorite sports bras are from Lululemon.  They are pricy, and rarely have a great “sale” section on their site, but there ARE Lululemon outlet’s in the world, and I highly suggest checking them out for great deals on the most popular items.

Target C9 by Champion

There’s something to be said for stopping at the store for eggs and bananas and walking out with a cute new workout outfit while you’re at it.  Then again, it’s also physically impossible to go to Target without spending at least $100, and my affinity for their cute, cheap workout stuff is probably a big reason why.  If you haven’t checked them out lately, pop into their activewear department and be prepared to be greeted by bright colors, and a host of fashionable options that mimic the popular Lululemon and Athleta styles.  While the quality isn’t nearly as good, if you’re looking for something fun at a low price point, I always recommend Target for your fix.

Hope my short list gave you a fun new idea or a place to try to shop.  What about you?  What’s your favorite place for great athletic apparel?

The treadmill workout that won’t make you wish for a power outage

At one time I actually contemplated sitting in the steam room until I passed out unconscious and drooling to get out of having to get on the treadmill at the gym.  But then my excessively imaginative brain decided to paint pictures of what my withered shriveled body would look like if no one found me for days and I died in there, so I promptly decided against it.

But just the fact that I was willing to risk death to get out of a treadmill workout kinda showed me that maybe my boring 30 minute steady state sessions needed a little spicing up.

Enter in my current coach, and her awesome interval workout that I’ve done every Wednesday for the past month.  I can honestly say, this one is SO MUCH FUN and has a ton of variety, so I don’t ever find myself getting bored or wishing for a power outage so that damn belt will stop moving.

Check it out:

5 minute warm up:  Begin walking at a comfortable pace and every minute increase your pace by .1 and your incline by 1%

Minute 5: Increase incline to 6%, increase pace to brisk walk
Minute 6: Incline at 6%, jog 1 minute
Minute 7: Incline at 6%, brisk walk

Minute 8: Increase incline to 8%, maintain brisk walk pace
Minute 9: Incline at 8%, jog 1 minute
Minute 10: Incline at 8%, brisk walk

Minute 11: Increase incline to 6%, increase pace to brisk walk
Minute 12: Incline at 6%, jog 1 minute
Minute 13: Incline at 6%, brisk walk

Minute 14-15:  Incline at 2%, recovery walk

REPEAT minutes 5-15

Cool down 5 minutes with gradually decreasing incline and pace (1% and .1 on pace every minute for 5 minutes).

Voila!  So pop in your headphones, blast a great playlist and give it a go.  Be sure to let me know what you think!

Workout Wednesdays

Keeping with the same theme from my Meal Prep Monday’s post earlier this week, today I dedicate some words to everyone asking what I’m doing at the gym now that I’m no longer in Crossfit.  Other than laughing at the absolute absurdity of at least half of the people there that is.

As I mentioned a few weeks back, I’ve enlisted the help of coach extrodinaire Colleen Ghallager of http://www.thefitgal.com to point me in the right direction with programming.  If left to my own devices I would probably end up squatting heavy every day, so it’s good that I have someone to keep me from *only* ever doing leg day.

I won’t give away Colleen’s secret sauce that she developed just for me based on my goals and current fitness level, but it’s easy enough to give ya’ll a basic breakdown of how she’s structured my plan for maximum fat loss and fitness gains.

My workout week looks something like this:

Mondays:  30 minutes steady state cardio + Legs with a quad focus
Tuesdays: 30 minutes steady state cardio + Back and biceps
Wednesdays:  30ish minutes of HIIT (i.e., oh god oh god I’m gonna die for a solid 30 minutes) + Yoga
Thursdays:  35 minutes of intervals on the elliptical (or the rower if I’m feeling froggy) + shoulders and core
Fridays:  Legs with a hamstring focus
Saturday: 35 minutes on the step mill + Chest and triceps

The strength sessions themselves are very Crossfitesque, usually broken into supersets or circuits that I do multiple rounds of with a small amount of rest.  There are also a few select heavy lifts that are included as well.

I’m usually in and out of the gym in an hour to an hour and a half depending on the day and how much exactly I’m trying to kill myself.

Granted, every. single. time. I have to do cardio I complain loudly to myself (or anyone else who happens to be listening to the crazy woman talking to herself on the treadmill), but I’ve gotta admit I’m seeing results.  Not only the weightloss, but fitness improvements as well.

What about you guys?  What does your workout week look like?  Do you do a similar body split or something different entirely?

Meal Prep Mondays

Lately I’ve been asked time and again what’s going in my pie hole that’s helping me to see such great weightloss results?  Apparently “covering my mouth with duct tape whenever there is pizza around” isn’t the answer most folks are looking for, so today I wanted to take a few minutes to walk through my meal prep for the week.

Before we begin though, I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I am not about to tell you anything you can’t read a thousand other places.  Losing weight isn’t rocket science.  You need to eat whole, healthy foods 95% of the time.  I follow a mainly paleo/primal approach not because I think cavemen were all that bright, but because the emphasis is on REAL food.  One of my Crossfit coaches used to say, “if it has an ingredients label, don’t eat it.”  For my approach, that about sums it up.

All that said, Monday’s are my favorite day of the week lately.  I’m fortunate to be “retired” and have the luxury of doing my meal prep while the hubs is at work and I can blast Ed Sheeran radio and sing and dance in the kitchen in my underpants while spending an hour getting my shit together for the week.

I eat 4-5 times per day, and include veggies with every meal.  In order to keep from being blindingly bored, I try to have a lot of options in the house.  On Monday’s I usually sit down and think through total servings I will need for the week and slice, dice, roast and portion accordingly.

This week, Monday Meal Prep was as follows:

  • 2 lbs carrots roasted in coconut oil
  • 1 lbs brussels sprouts roasted in coconut oil
  • 5 lbs spaghetti squash roasted
  • 2 large cucumbers peeled and chopped
  • 6 portabello mushroom brushetta cups (sautéed onions, garlic and tomato, mixed with basil baked in mushroom caps)
  • 5 servings of homemade meat sauce (made with grass fed ground sirloin)
  • 4 grilled chicken breast
  • 1 dozen eggs boiled

I did the carrots, brussels sprouts and squash all at the same time.  While they were roasting I browned the ground beef and got the sauce going.  Once the veggies came out of the oven I made the brushetta mixture and threw in the mushrooms while grilling the chicken and boiling the eggs.  All told it took just over an hour and I am well stocked for the week.

This way, any time I’m hungry I have lots of healthy options to choose from.

Now it’s your turn!

What are your meal plans for the week?  What’s your favorite meal prep recipe?

Accidental Orgasm- the follow up story

It shocks me that to this day, I get at least 3-4 new visitors daily who find my blog through the keyword search “accidental orgasm.”  Apparently, it’s a bit more common than even I realized, though I have no idea if what they’re looking for is related to exercise.

Since posting that blog nearly a year ago now, I’ve learned a great many things.

First off, having an orgasm when exercising, specifically in women doing core work, isn’t completely uncommon.  After writing my initial accidental orgasm post, I had close to 15 different female readers reach out to me publicly and privately to say it happened to them. More than one even said it was during toes to bar!  Given that my readership base is around 500 or so on any given day, and the majority are female, some quick math tells us that roughly 3% of ladies could experience this phenomena (and be willing to admit it).

Man I wish I had their gift.  All toes to bar do to me is rip my hands and make my core ache so bad I feel like I might poop.  And while pooping is a relief, it’s not an orgasm.

In addition to that startling revelation, I’ve discovered that apparently I’m not the only one to cover this topic.  Muscle & Fitness published this brief read citing an actual study about women who have experienced an orgasm during exercise.  Apparently someone is seeking to put science behind this whole thing.

Mark my word kittens, there will be a “how to” manual out in the next few years.

Even armed with all this knowledge, I wasn’t at all prepared for what I witnessed yesterday at my friendly local globo gym.

I was doing my usual Tuesday thing, head down and headphones in, using the lat pull down machine that was situated right in front of the ab machine that sort of crunches your upper and lower body together in one motion.

As I finished my set and was standing to shake out my arms, the song I was listening to ended.  In the few seconds of silence between one song and another I heard sounds that really should only be made in bed, or MAYBE on the foam roller if you’re really getting after some sore quads coming from behind me.

I couldn’t resist.  I turned acting like I was going to grab some paper towel to wipe down my machine and came face to face with a dude, clearly nearing his grand finale, on the ab machine furiously crunching, sweating and moaning about 5 seconds away from a full on “O” face.

I should have left him to his accidental on purpose orgasm.

But it was like I was frozen.  I couldn’t look away.  I was about to witness scientific proof that not only does this happen, but it doesn’t *just* happen to females.

Unfortunately, he chose that exact moment to open his eyes, and the mood was lost.  He hastily jumped off the machine and damn near sprinted to the men’s locker room with an impossible to ignore bulge.

$10 says he went in the boys poop stall and finished the job.

Either way, I didn’t care.  I have new blog material.

So there you are kittens.  If you missed it, check out the original accidental orgasm post here, and if you’re brave enough let me know, has it ever happened to you?

I’ve lost 10 lbs this month, so what’s changed?

I know “they” say that the number on the scale doesn’t matter, but for those of us with some serious weight to lose, yeah it kinda does.

I’ll preface this by saying that I’m also taking measurements and also going by how my clothes fit and all that jazz, but regardless of the amount of muscle I have, I also have weight to lose.  And let’s face it, 10 lbs is a milestone to celebrate.

So woo hooo, here’s the celebration.

I feel like I’ve been trying to shed some body fat forever, but it’s been stubbornly hanging on despite my attempts.  I really did feel like I was doing everything in my power, and nothing was working, but about a month ago I had a pretty frank heart to heart with myself and realized that nutritionally I was simply failing.

Just knowing what to do, how to eat, and what sorts of foods to put in your body is not enough.  I actually needed to do that.  Like, more often than not.  Ideally all the time.

After that firm reality check, something just sort of clicked.  It reminded me of last year when I completed a Whole 30 and didn’t stray from the program once.  My mind was made up then that for the next 30 days I just simply wouldn’t eat junk.

This time, however, it’s a bit different.  My mind is made up 100% that INDEFINITELY I don’t want to put crap in my body.  At first it was really challenging, and I found myself fantasizing about pizza and ice cream, but after a week or two of telling myself that I could eat them if I wanted after I had a big serving of veggies and some protein, the cravings started to level out.  Shockingly (or maybe not at all), I never did end up eating the pizza or the ice cream.

I’m not saying I won’t ever, but I am saying that at the moment I’m really happy with my progress.  I’m never hungry, I have tons of energy, and I’m seeing results.

Has anyone else had any success stories lately?  Let’s hear ’em!

Here’s a bit of brilliant advice for you

If you stub your toe so hard that you see spots, unicorns, and penguins dancing in your vision, and let loose a string of curse words that may or may not even have been invented yet, it is likely not a good idea to put a band aid on it and just go to the gym.

Especially if it’s a day where you plan to run hill intervals and do legs.

By the time I got home my ring toe (is that even a thing?) was as large as my big toe.  My shoe was literally full of toe.  Talk about a weird, and kinda painful sensation.

I mean sure, I was physically capable of getting through the workout.  But this isn’t the zombie-pocolypse kittens.  There’s no reason to run with a broken toe.  I don’t need the excuse to drink Vodka.  I do just fine on my own.

Cha cha cha changes…

I think I accidentally took a ride in the Back to the Future car and didn’t even realize it.  Apparently, the last time I posted was darn near a month ago.  The lack of posting isn’t lack of material, but more because I’m actually more busy now a days than I was while working, and find myself not in front of a computer very often.

Funny how that works out, isn’t it?

Lots has changed in the past month, probably the greatest of which is that I am no longer doing Crossfit.

I’ll give you a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor.

Truth be told, there are a few reasons why, all of which are kind of personal and I don’t really want to throw out onto the interwebz for speculation.  I think I can suffice it to say that it was/is the right decision for me right now, and I’m good with it.

Not to worry though, this doesn’t mean that I quit working out all together and am letting myself dissolve into a giant puddle of Jabba the Hut.  I’ve hooked up with an amazing coach, Colleen Gallagher over at www.thefitgal.com who has put together the programming I’ve been following for the past three weeks.  It’s really different from Crossfit, but I’m actually seeing some really great results.  I think my body might have been ready for a little change of pace, and this has turned into a blessing in disguise.

Probably the best side effect of this new training is that I’m spending an hour or so a day at my local Globo Gym, where the people watching is top notch.

So my readers, stay tuned in coming weeks for details on my workouts, progress reports, and of course hilarious stories from the world of quarter squats and old men in speedos.

Happy hump day!