Who needs sleep? I have porn.


Insomnia is a real bummer.  As a true insomniac, I understand the frustration of lying awake in bed when you know you should be sleeping and worrying about how tired you will be during the next day.

My solution?  Don’t lay around.  Do something with yourself.  Below is my short and not even remotely comprehensive list of the grand things I accomplish while unable to sleep.

Things to do when insomnia doesn’t care how exhausted you are at 3 a.m.:

 Laundry.  Especially the weird stuff.

You know those rags you use to wash your car?  Or the pillowcases and sheets in the guest bedroom that no one has ever slept in?  Well they need to be washed too, right?  Right.  After two or three nights of insomnia all the normal laundry is probably done, so capitalize on this opportunity to get everything squeaky and fluffy in case great Aunt Irma decides to stop over for a visit.

Read scary zombie books or watch scary zombie movies

Remember that moment when you decided, “no, I won’t read this book/watch this tv show right before bed because I want to be able to sleep tonight?”  This is your subconscious minds way of playing a cruel joke on you.  Punish it by subjecting yourself to the scariest most face eating shit you can find.  It’s not like you’re going to fall back to sleep anyway.

 Scrub the tile floors

You’re always too exhausted to do it after you’ve cleaned the whole house, so it goes a few weeks (or ok, months) between good thorough down on your hands and knees with the bucket of bleach water scrubbing.  Since you have more energy at 3 a.m. than you ever dreamed possible, might as well get it out of the way!

Paint your nails, and toenails… and heck, the dog/cats nails while you’re at it

Waiting for polish to dry is a pain the ass during busy day to day life.  But hey, it’s 3 a.m.!  Outside of your 24 hour Wal-Mart there is literally no other place on earth that you even could be, much less anywhere than you would need to be.  And really, Wal-Mart at 3 a.m. is even scarier than during the day.  Don’t do it.  Trust me.

Watch porn.  And do whatever it is you do while watching porn

I’m not proud.  When all else fails, an orgasm is a kind of sure fire way to get you relaxed enough that there might be hope that you will fall back to sleep.  If that doesn’t work, well, at least you were productive.


6 am carnage

Another 6 a.m. class for me today.  This one wasn’t particularly hard to get out of bed for as I woke up around 3 a.m. and never went back to sleep.  In good news, all of my laundry is done, the kitchen is clean, and I totally started a new book series in the 2.5 hours I was awake and pissed off at myself for not being able to doze back off.

Gotta get this sleep thing figured out because I know I’m going to completely crash today by lunchtime.  4 hours of sleep does not a happy Nicole make.

Enough complaining.

Warm Up:  The usual.  I showed up a few minutes early and did some extra foam rolling.  My hamstrings and glutes are crazy sore today and my quads aren’t in much better shape.

SWOD:  Front Squats 4×5
1×10 @ 33 warm up
1×5@ 53

My legs my LEGS.  Holy crap by that last set my ass wanted to punch me in the face.  I really would have liked to see more weight on these, but will take what I can get today.

WOD: (because my legs aren’t already screaming…)

12 minute AMRAP
600 m run buy in (or 1.2 mile bike)


10 wall balls
8 DB snatches each arm

Score: 3+5 with a .85 bike and 20 lbs on snatches

There were four of us not running today, and coach decided that rather than row (since there was a lot of pulling movement in the snatches) he would have us ride.  A quick calculation and he decided that 1.2 on the bike would be comparable to 600m on the run.

Coach can’t do math at 6 a.m. apparently.

Around the time that everyone had come in from the run and gone to work on the wall balls he waved us off the bikes and we got started.  That said, had I been running my girls that I usually try to keep pace in came in a bit after me, so really, I got a jump start on the WOD.

This was brutal.  I actually really like DB snatches, and this is the first time I’ve manned up and done them at 20 lbs.  I am not wall balls biggest fan, but I broke them into sets of 5 and just tried to keep moving.  By the last 3 minutes of the WOD I could not believe we still had 3 minutes left to go.  I was completely gassed.

Coach called time and I literally collapsed to the floor and had a solid 2 minute coughing fit.  My lungs still aren’t clear of all the strep throat gunk.

Following class coach posted this picture online that he titled “6 a.m. carnage.”

My response?  “Oh so I wasn’t the only one who collapsed immediately?”

Great workout.

Are you gonna eat that?

eat more

Here’s something that’s hard for a slowly reforming fat girl to hear: “You’re not eating enough.”

Say wha?

But after sitting down and discussing my overall health, severe insomnia and general issues of late, this is one of several conclusions my awesome Crossfit coaches have come to.  And truthfully, I agree with them.

While it goes against every fiber in my being to even allow myself to think that in order to achieve my weight loss and performance goals I need to eat MORE, what they are saying makes a lot of sense.

Super-awesome-girl-coach laughed when she saw my face when they broke this news to me.  I guess she’s been spoonfed the same kool-aid as I have through the years.  It goes something like this:

Want to lose weight and look amazing?  Work out as much as you possibly can, eat as little as physically possible.  Only when passing out is eminent may you then eat.  A grape.  Just one.  It’ll do, we promise. 

Since she’s like, the hottest girl I know, and if I had her body I would walk around naked ALL. THE. TIME. (and yes, I told her that), I’m going to take her advice on this one.  Oh, and her advice was backed by all this cool science stuff too, so that gave her extra credibility over her super hot points.

So in short, here’s what’s wrong with me.  I’m not eating enough, and was walking a very fine line with overtraining.  As a result of my recent sickness, I am now officially firmly in the realm of overtraining.  This is affecting my sleep, my immune system, and my overall health.  I’m also not supplementing appropriately for my level of activity to give my body the tools it needs for recovery.

Well gee, who knew there was more to this whole thing than just showing up and working out?

My recipe for recovery, and to help fix my cranky and out of whack immune system, is pretty simple.

Take a few days off (done).

When I do come back, SCALE.  A LOT.  It’s ok to take a step back and give my body time to get back in the swing of things.

EAT!  Fuel my body for training and recovery.  Don’t be an idiot and count calories.  Eat when hungry, stop when full.  Not rocket science.

Finally, supplement.

I need to boost my immune system and get my cortisol levels back in check.  If for no other reason than I need to sleep.

Because when I don’t sleep I get cranky.

And then it’s more than just my health at risk kittens.