I wish I was as skinny as I was the last time I thought I was fat

braille

My sister and I are in pretty much the same boat; our weight has yo-yoed up and down since puberty.  Different diet and exercise fads along the way have propelled us in one direction or another, and while over the past two and a half years I’ve really worked to find some balance, the psychological food demons still exist.

Sis is going in for gastric bypass next week, and as you all know I’ve been on a now 13 week lifestyle overhaul that has resulted in over 30 lbs of weight loss so far.

cranky

She and I were talking the other day and she said something so brilliant, I have to share it here.

I wish I was as skinny as I was the last time I thought I was fat.

That seriously got me thinking.  Just a week ago I was nearly brought to tears when I tried on a pair of jeans I used to wear in college (COLLEGE guys), and they fit.  Granted, I would never actually wear them for real now because apparently in college having your inseam so tiny that your vayjayjay almost falls out was totally a thing.  What the hell good is a two inch zipper anyway?  But I digress.  My college jeans fit.

And yet, when I look at my body in the mirror I still note that I can’t see my abs yet and there’s still some inner thigh jiggle that I want gone.

I’m the smallest I’ve been in years, and because I’ve done it through awesome lifestyle changes that include weight training and a super healthy but not restrictive diet, I’ve got a great physique.  But in my head, it’s still not enough.

The last time I was this weight I was training and racing a Half Ironman.  I also remember thinking that I wanted to be smaller then.

But I’ll tell ya what gang, if four months ago I could have just woken up one day and looked like I do now I probably would have burst into tears from joy.  I have come SO FAR and I actually really love how I look if I give myself 10 seconds to think about it.

So really, the moral of this story is simply this… appreciate the body that you’re in.  Recognize that if you’re psycho like me you may never be happy with how you look, but give yourself permission to take a step back and celebrate your progress.

That’s what I’m doing today.  And every day.

Now that's what I call confidence.
Now that’s what I call confidence.
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