Murph… Not just another workout

It’s been over a week since I had the honor of completing another Memorial Day Murph with my Crossfit family.  I’ve sat down to write this post a number of times, but it seems like every time I started words just seemed to fail me.

I think it’s because this WOD isn’t just another workout.  It isn’t just another day at the box.  It isn’t something I want to chronicle so I can compare my time and scaling to last year; it’s something I want to write about because it means something to me every time I find the strength to do it.

The short version is that this year the workout was harder than I remembered.  The day was hotter, the box was much more packed, and I finished slower than I did in 2013.  I did ring rows instead of kettle bell swings (the scaling we did in 2013), and I did all the pushups starting and finishing on my toes.  After 100 that felt like a bad idea.  After 200 I couldn’t take my bra off and had to enlist my husband’s help, but I’m glad that I did it.

My Crossfit family is amazing.  Around me for the entire workout were fellow members sweating and cheering me on.  We were all deep in the suck together, but no one quit.  In the end, as one of the very last to finish, I had my own cheering section and even a personal coach who “ran” (if you could call it that) the last mile with me.  She had already completed her workout, but pushed me along just the same.

I get a little emotional every time I think about the mental aspect of this workout.  Physically, it’s challenging.  But mentally, the number of times that I had to push myself to keep going, to talk myself out of just quitting, or of cutting it down a few reps, or any number of other ways I could have “cheated”, was really the biggest challenge for me.  It’s amazing how our inner demons, the voices who tell us we’re not strong enough or good enough to do something, really come out when we’re struggling.

Which makes me wonder what our soldiers hear in their heads during their tough times.

In the end, so much of what helped me through was thinking about that.  Murph is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.  It’s one of the biggest challenges I will ever face, and one of the toughest things I will ever need to conquer.  Talk about a blessing.  When doing a hard ass workout, that I PAY a facility to subject me to, surrounded by friends, and fun is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done I KNOW I lead a great life.

I have so many things.  So many freedoms.  Like everyone I have so many problems, but unlike some of our soldiers, mine are really inconsequential.

While this is a post about a workout, this is really more of my trying to say thank you.  To express my gratitude to those who have served and are serving for all they stand for a represent.  To remember those who won’t ever come home to us, not that we don’t remember them for at least a moment daily.

So thanks guys.

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Bitchslapping yourself in public…

When I say that I effing love my Crossfit community, I’m not kidding.  Below is my Facebook post to my Crossfit peeps on Wednesday of this week:

Ok gang, I’m throwing down the gauntlet… on myself. Today marks 7 weeks since I’ve set foot in the box, and I need to snap out of it. What started off as a legitimate excuse (super duper sick) has spiraled out of control and I’m back to being inactive and unhealthy. I’ve made up countless excuses over the past several weeks as to why I’m not yet ready to come back, but here’s the truth, I’m scared. I’ve gained weight… a lot of it. I’ve lost fitness, a lot of it, and I’m super self conscious to come back. But today I woke up and gave myself a bit of a bitch slap. I am the only person who can change this, and I am the only one standing in my way. I know I’m probably not alone, so I’m putting this out there to encourage anyone else who might have some negative inner monologue going on themselves. Waiting another day or week isn’t going to make it better, going to the box and DOING SOMETHING to make it better will. I’ll be there at 4:30 today. I missed you guys.

 

In response over 20 folks offered words of encouragement, including coach.  Five additional peeps reached out to me privately, told me they faced the same struggle, and we are now each other’s accountability partners with getting back to the box.

My first class back Coach gave me a high five and told me he missed me.  Three different people told me they were there that night because they saw my post and it was the kick in the pants they needed.

It’s just incredible.  Sure, Crossfit offers some great physical benefits.  And yeah, I’m doing it because I want to Hulk out and lose some weight and what not… but I never in a million years could have imagined gaining an entire group of people who are so amazing and supportive through just working out.

This “side benefit” if you will, is what makes this arguably the most awesome thing I’ve ever been a part of.

I mean, other than the horizontal lambata with the hubs.  But that’s a post for another time.

Whoop whoop another award!

Check me out kittens!  The fabulosity that is “Chubby is my Name” has nominated me for the The Versatile Blogger Award!

Since we know how much my inner narcissist loves winning awards, I couldn’t be more honored.   If you can relate to me, be sure to check her out and follow her journey as well.

The rules for this award are pretty darn simple, and as follows:

Thank the person who nominated you, link back to their blog and nominate 15 bloggers who are worthy to be classified as versatile bloggers.

So without further ado here’s my nominees (in no particular order):

1.  Crazy. Sweaty. Mommy at www.crazysweatymommy.com
2. Chocolate Covered Race Medals at http://chocolatemedals.com/
3. The Sky Runner at http://skyrunner259.wordpress.com/
4. Boxgrl81 at http://boxgrl81.com/
5. Girl on the Contrary at http://girlonthecontrary.com/
6. Fit Journey 50 at http://fitjourney50.wordpress.com/
7. A Confederacy of Spinsters at http://confederacyofspinsters.com/
8. Joy In the Day at http://joyintheday.com/
9. That’s What She Said at http://sportstiara.wordpress.com/
10. I Train Therefore I Eat at: http://itrainthereforeieat.com/
11. Fit and Feminist at: http://fitandfeminist.wordpress.com/
12. Everything’s Better with Ginger at: http://everythingsbetterwithginger.wordpress.com/
13. Crossfit Games or Bust! at: http://crossfitgamesorbust.wordpress.com/
14. Warrior Girl Lifting at: http://warriorgirllifting.wordpress.com/
15. I Drank the CF Kool Aid at: http://idrankthecfkoolaid.com/

Of course, I’ve got about 20 more I want to list but this is a great start.  Dear readers, if you are looking for some other great blog material, check out these bloggers and give them some “like” love.

I’m honored and humbled to get a shout out from this great community, and will do my best to keep producing sarcastic crap that makes you laugh until you pee your pants.

If I didn’t make you pee your pants today, try doing some double unders.  From what I hear, they can produce the same effect.

Cheers!

9.10.2013

Let me preface this by saying, I had an AWFUL day today.  I seriously debated whether or not to even go to Crossfit tonight, and even told a friend jokingly before hand that I was nervous that I would end up getting frustrated and bursting into tears.

Yeah, that’s totally foreshadowing.

Went to 5:30 p.m.  Another big class.  My heel is SCREAMING today, so no running again for me.

Warm Up:  The usual

Mobility:  Pass thrus on the LX ball (ouch)
Hip and ankle band stretches

SWOD: OHS 5×3
1×5@33 warm up
2×3@53
1×3@58 PR
1×3@63 PR
1×3@68 PR

I feel like I haven’t done OHS for strength in FOREVER.  I knew I would get a PR today, but I honestly didn’t expect it to be 15 lbs!  Yay!  The squat work I’ve been doing with super awesome girl coach has really helped me with keeping my torso upright, which has in turn really helped me to be able to stabilize my upper body with this lift.

*whispers* I could have gone heavier.

Super awesome.

WOD:
21-15-9
Burpees
Hang Squat Cleans

Time:  Who f@ck&ing cares @33 lbs

I was starting to feel better mentally after the PRs when we were getting set up for the WOD.  I set my bar up at 53 lbs, did three reps and decided that was a little too ambitious given all the OHS we just did, and the fact that I had did a bike ride over lunch.  I took it down to 43 lbs, did a few reps and decided I could hang with that.

321 go and we were off.  The first 21 burpees actually weren’t bad.  Usually I have to break after 10 to catch my breath, but I had a nice even (aka slow) pace so I just sort of worked through them.

Step up to the bar and do 5 cleans no problem.

Clean #6 my right quad cramps up so bad that I literally fall on my ass.  And thus the WOD deteriorated from there.  I NEVER strip weight mid-WOD, but ended up doing it a few reps later, down to just the bar.  I could NOT shake out my quad, and as a result every 3-4 attempts I ended up on my ass.  I don’t know how I got thru the set of 21, but I’m pretty sure it involved a lot of telling myself that if I did my quad would have a minute to relax.

I don’t think I’ve ever hoped for burpees so badly in my entire life.

15 burpees.  Slow and steady, back up to the bar for cleans and BAM on my butt again on the first attempt… and the second… and the third.

At this point I’m ashamed to say I threw down the bar (with no rubber on it, SORRY COACH) and BURST into tears.

Not even like, cute girly tears either.  But those like sobbing can’t catch your breath snot running down your face tears.

I have never, ever EVER in my entire life wanted to quit so badly as I did in that moment.  There were people DONE with the workout at this point, and I still hadn’t even started my set of 15 cleans.  My quad was cramping so bad that I actually was wondering if I had torn the muscle and on my next attempt the bone was going to snap and come flying out my skin, or something equally as gruesome.

Clearly, I had a lot of positive self talk going on.

So I stood there and cried for about a minute.  I know, because I was watching the clock.  Then I took a deep breath, pulled myself together, and finished the damn workout.

It was UGLY.  So ugly.  Coach was cheering me on and I just kind of kept crying.  He knew something was wrong but knew better than to ask I think, and just kept telling me to pick up the bar.  A few of the people in the next class cheered me on as well, yelling for me to finish.  The dudes that had been around me that were LONG done with their workouts hung out and counted down my last few reps for me.

For the record, I LOVE YOU ALL. 

All told I think it took me about 13 minutes to get through it, which I can’t even fathom.  It felt like an hour.

But the funny thing?  I left it ALL on the floor in class.  I left feeling a thousand times better, and everything that had happened didn’t really matter any longer.

I’m stronger than all of it.  I guess the universe has a funny way of reminding you of that sometimes.

Spoiler: I didn’t cry or shit myself

This image has nothing to do with this post, but that’s irrelevant. Don’t you agree?

 

One year ago today I did not shit my pants.  Oh yes my friends, it was a distinct possibility, as it was the first time I walked into Crossfit.  Today is my one year anniversary of starting the sport that is slowly changing my life.

My best girlfriend and I got the idea in our heads that we had to try this Crossfit thing, and had signed up in advance to drop in for a trial class.  When I confirmed with the coach I asked him to promise he wouldn’t make me cry or shit myself.

His response?  He made no promises.

I knew then he was a cool dude, and am so lucky that in the past year he, his wife, and the other coaches have become a close enough friends that they’re like family.

We arrived at the box about a half hour early to sign away our lives and limbs, and got a chance to observe the end of the class before the one we would join.  I don’t remember much, except that I was TERRIFIED.  The only truly vivid memory I have is of two men, who we now know as lickable-abs and the-monster were upside down doing push ups off their heads.  Their HEADS people.  Best girl and I about bolted right then.

I will forever be grateful that we didn’t.

In some ways a year seems like a really long time, but it others it’s a drop in the bucket.  This past year has been a series of tiny baby steps towards overall health and wellness, and while there have been a fair amount of setbacks, I have absolutely emerged far beyond where I started.

Day 1 I could not do a single push up.  Not even on my knees.  My scaling was the thickest band available to me AND on my knees.  Today I can string together a solid 10 on my toes no problem, and at last test, did 27 in a minute.

My back squat has progressed from broomstick to over 100 lbs.  I deadlift 150.  I snatch and clean and jerk, and know how to load and unload that barbell like a boss.  Before Crossfit I had never EVER even once touched the “man bar” and could not tell you a thing about weight training.

Crossfit has given me so much more than great callouses.  It’s strange to realize, but a year ago I was in a very different place as a person.  I had a job that I loved, but the stress of it was killing me.  I had literally gained 50 pounds in a year, and didn’t take a single moment to step back and think about my health or sanity because of the pressure to excel.

I had an amazing marriage that was not in an amazing place.  I was fat and unhappy, and it is darn near impossible to be the spouse someone as incredible as my husband deserved when I couldn’t even take time for myself.

Finding my strength under that barbell empowered me physically, which brought back my emotional and mental strength to live the life I wanted, rather than just chugging along with where I ended up.

In Crossfit I found strength.  I found health.  I found hope.

A year later I can’t even try to quantify how much I’ve gained, or lost, because of this sport I love.

I inspired someone normal! There is hope.

I love free stuff.  Who doesn’t?  So one of my personality quirks is that I enter a lot of contests.  If it’s easy, and doesn’t require blood, urine or poo samples, chances are I’ll fill out the form or enter the contest.

I’ll be honest.  I never win.  Or at least, hadn’t won anything until yesterday.

Fleet Feet Sports in Sarasota ran a fun little contest through their facebook page  on June 28^th for National Camera Day.  They asked that fans send in their most inspiring fitness photo for a chance to win a Fleet Feet Sports Nike Hi-Rez shirt.

Well shoot, I’m inspiring as hell.  After oogling all my great Crossfit shots (count them, three I’m actually willing to share publicly) I chose this one as the winner.

Just yesterday, I received an email informing me that I had, in fact, won!

This is super cool.  And I’ll be honest.  It’s super cool that I won something because again, free stuff, awesome.  But the part I am the most excited about is that someone at this running store, staffed with super fit athletic people and owned by way awesome athletes, saw my photo and were inspired.

Seriously, my ego can’t take any more.

So thank you Fleet Feet Sarasota.  Fleet Feet is an awesome chain that is franchised locally around the US.  If you have one near you, stop by.  My experience there has always been awesome, minus the fact that I end up spending gobs of money on new shoes and clothes and socks and oh wait!  Is that a visor?  I think I need that too.

It’s like a shiny object in front of a cat.  I’m hopeless.

Naked fist pumping

Follow me while I follow my heart…

Dude, I have 100 freaking followers!

*Blushes*

*Giggles awkwardly*

*waves*

HIIIIIII!

You all make me feel very special.  It’s not every day that I realize that someone other than myself finds me hilarious and entertaining, so thank you.

Feel free to tell your recruit your friends and reuse my dirty jokes.  I stole them from somebody else anyway.

My plan for today was to post a recipe for curried kale, but that doesn’t seem exciting enough to warrant my 100 milestone, so instead I will go with tomorrow’s planned crowd pleaser, a sex based post.

Because let’s face it, if you’re following me because I blog about Crossfit, you’re also a perv on some level too.

And if you’re following me for another reason, welcome to the *real* me.

I’ve found myself wondering a lot what man in my life thinks to himself when he sees me naked.  Granted, I’m with someone a lot like me, in that he’s pretty darn vocal and I definitely get the gist of what’s going thru his head most of the time, but I sometimes wish I could just touch foreheads with him and hear through osmosis what he’s thinking.

Yeah, I realize when we’re doing the deed I might just get flashes of Scarlett Johansen and Jessica Alba straight from his consciousness.  I’m sure my ego can take it.

But what I really wish, is that just for a moment, I could see myself the way that I know he sees me.

We’ve all heard the old cliché that we are our own worst critics.  Now, I’m the first to admit I’m not a bad looking girl.  My parts, especially when they’re naked and free to be themselves, aren’t too shabby at all.  But often times when I look in the mirror it takes a bit of effort to see the great ass pass the faults that I’ve identified.

I’m getting better about it, with Crossfit and fitness has also come confidence, but it would be so awesome if I could just skip the hard awkward learning phase.

If I could do my birthday suit dance in the mirror (yes kids, there’s a dance… fist pumping and all) and hear HIS thoughts in my head rather than my own, I think the world would be a happy place.

Sadly, it doesn’t work that way.  So instead I will just continue to demand to hear how sexy and perfect I am on a regular basis and work to incorporate that good stuff into my thought process.

Besides, I don’t really need ANOTHER voice in my head.  It’s crowded enough in there already.