I could not make this stuff up if I tried.
We have a few regular spots where we hang out on Friday nights, and with my usual group of people they always involve places the guys can play pool.
A few weeks back, we were early on in our drinking and bar hopping merriment, and decided to stop at a place that isn’t on the regular list, but has some pretty great tables. I’m flexible, and as long as they have Whiskey, I’m easy to please.
Within five minutes of walking in the door, we realize we’re not exactly in the classy part of town. But as I was there with hubs and another dude, I figured not much could go wrong. We ordered drinks, got a table, and the guys started their smack talking for the night.
A few minutes later, a girl who was obviously on something other than what the bartender was pouring stumbled over to our table asking to bum a cigarette. At least I think that’s what she asked. She may have also been asking for a shampoo or a chimpanzee, but either way, I don’t smoke and had none of the above on me.
For some reason, I was trying to be nice to this stranger who just wouldn’t LEAVE ME ALONE. Hubs came to the rescue a moment later at which point she says:
“Girl, you so THICK and SEXY I’m gonna steal you from your man.”
My initial response was, “I’m never eating again.”
But after conferring with friends who are a little better with the slang than I, I discovered it was a compliment.
So really, my response should have been:
“Thanks. I squat.”
After which I think it would have been totally socially acceptable to chase her off with the chalked up end of a pool cue.
Ah people. Always good for a laugh.