Songs that aren’t “Thriller” to jam to tonight

It’s Halloween, and yes, it is totally appropriate to channel your inner MJ and dance around your living room while handing out candy.  But just in case you’re looking for a few ideas that aren’t your typical “Monster Mash” but are equally as creepy, check out my post over at Boozey today for 13 great ideas!

I even included links to the youtube videos to save you time!  You’re welcome.

 

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In case you need extra Halloween candy motivation

I’m not a huge candy person, but that doesn’t mean around Halloween I’m not tempted.  Not having any kids helps, so does not buying the stuff until the last minute and sending any extras to work with hubs the next day.

But today when I brought home the Snickers and Twix and put the chocolately bastards in my Halloween bowl I was hit with temptation.

I sent my sister a text:

I just went to the grocery store to buy candy for the trick-or-treaters and now I feel the need to not be at home all day so that I don’t eat it all before tonight.

 

I can always count on my sister to put things in perspective.  Her response:

Don’t be a b*itch and eat all the children’s joy.

 

So followers, don’t devour the joy.  Save it for the kiddos who are going to lose those teeth anyway.

Happy Halloween!

You’re About to Ride in a Time Machine

My favorite day of the year is coming up this weekend!!!  No, it’s totally NOT Halloween (have I ever mentioned how much clowns and scary movies absolutely terrify me?!), it’s the day we all get to “Fall Back,” or as I like to call it:

TIME TRAVEL!!!!

No seriously, you go to bed at night and wake up the next day and have a whole shiny new hour that you didn’t have before!  It’s good stuff kittens.

This year, I’ve got a challenge for my lovely readers.  There’s lots of research out there that says folks who do stuff in the morning are more likely to stick to it and make it a habit, yes?  Yes.  True statement.

With an extra hour in our day, wouldn’t it be cool if we could kick off our Fall right and use that hour to work towards a goal we’ve been wanting to achieve?

If you’ve really been trying to get out of bed in the mornings to workout, that is totally the day to start.  Or if you have it in your head that you would just eat better if you took the time to prep some meals, do it with that hour!  Let’s all challenge ourselves to use that hour to start a new healthy habit, before our bodies have a chance to miss it!

Personally, my extra hour is going to be spent on stretching and mobility.  My once a week yoga classes are great, but I really need to spend some focused time every day foam rolling and stretching.  I always plan to do it when I wake up in the morning, but seem to constantly get distracted.  I’m using my hour to start this new habit.

What about you?  What will you do with your hour?  What new healthy habit are you going to start this weekend?

Don’t Mind the Mess…

I’m rearranging the site a bit to make it easier to navigate!  This means all the poop and sex stories will be in one place, and the product reviews and recipes in their own little nooks as well.  So basically, you will be able to easily read only the drivel you want to see!

But as I’m going thru the process you’ll notice that not everything is where it belongs yet and some of the menu categories are going to come up blank.  Hold your horses, I’ll get it sorted out.  In the meantime you can always “search” or click on one of the “tags” to the right to get to the stuff you want to be reading.

Thanks gang!

I once gave a dude my underpants in a grocery store

Before I met the hubs, I was on my way to work early one morning, and stopped by the grocery store to grab some sushi for lunch.  I noticed a pretty good looking dude at the sushi counter and smiled just to be friendly.  He smiled back and said “hi.”

“So, I need to ask you a favor,” he said.

I was in a rush, but figured I could spare a few seconds to listen.  Besides, he was cute.

“God, this is so embarrassing.  Uh, so, it’s my best friends bachelor party today and well, we’re starting kind of early…” he stammered, suddenly unable to look me in the eye.

Bachelor party?  I thought.  It was 8 o’clock in the freaking morning.  Early indeed.  But I just laughed.

“Oh geez.  Ok, what do you need me to do?”

“Excuse me?!” he exclaimed.  Clearly surprised that I knew the drill.

“Look dude, all of my friends are guys.  I’ve been the wingman at more than one bachelor party, I know how the drill works.  As long as you don’t want my undies, I’m in.  Just spit it out, I need to get to work.”  With that, his face started flaming about fifteen shades of red.

Well shit.

“You need my under ware don’t you?”

He just nodded.  He couldn’t even bring himself to say the words.

“Yeah sorry, no way man.  Good luck,” I said, and turned to leave the store.

“Wait!  Please wait.  Look, if I don’t do this I have to go back to the car and take a Jaegerbomb.  It’s 8 o’clock in the morning.  I’ll be puking by noon.  I’ll never work up the balls to ask another girl to do this.  Please don’t make me be that guy.”

And to this day I will never EVER know why, but right there in the middle of the grocery store I whipped my underpants off under my skirt, handed them to him, and walked away.

I guess I too really, really hate Jaeger.

I wish I was as skinny as I was the last time I thought I was fat

braille

My sister and I are in pretty much the same boat; our weight has yo-yoed up and down since puberty.  Different diet and exercise fads along the way have propelled us in one direction or another, and while over the past two and a half years I’ve really worked to find some balance, the psychological food demons still exist.

Sis is going in for gastric bypass next week, and as you all know I’ve been on a now 13 week lifestyle overhaul that has resulted in over 30 lbs of weight loss so far.

cranky

She and I were talking the other day and she said something so brilliant, I have to share it here.

I wish I was as skinny as I was the last time I thought I was fat.

That seriously got me thinking.  Just a week ago I was nearly brought to tears when I tried on a pair of jeans I used to wear in college (COLLEGE guys), and they fit.  Granted, I would never actually wear them for real now because apparently in college having your inseam so tiny that your vayjayjay almost falls out was totally a thing.  What the hell good is a two inch zipper anyway?  But I digress.  My college jeans fit.

And yet, when I look at my body in the mirror I still note that I can’t see my abs yet and there’s still some inner thigh jiggle that I want gone.

I’m the smallest I’ve been in years, and because I’ve done it through awesome lifestyle changes that include weight training and a super healthy but not restrictive diet, I’ve got a great physique.  But in my head, it’s still not enough.

The last time I was this weight I was training and racing a Half Ironman.  I also remember thinking that I wanted to be smaller then.

But I’ll tell ya what gang, if four months ago I could have just woken up one day and looked like I do now I probably would have burst into tears from joy.  I have come SO FAR and I actually really love how I look if I give myself 10 seconds to think about it.

So really, the moral of this story is simply this… appreciate the body that you’re in.  Recognize that if you’re psycho like me you may never be happy with how you look, but give yourself permission to take a step back and celebrate your progress.

That’s what I’m doing today.  And every day.

Now that's what I call confidence.
Now that’s what I call confidence.

How to know when your liver needs a break

check-liver-light

I pretty much quit drinking almost four months ago now. FOUR MONTHS kittens. I won’t even try to say that I don’t miss wine pretty much all the time, which honestly, makes me happy that I quit drinking.

I admit, I still indulge in a glass or two on the weekends, but one thing I didn’t ever realize was how crappy drinking all. the. time. made me feel.

Ironically, I currently write freelance for a website called Boozey.com, and figured I would share my non-boozing knowledge with the masses.

Check out this article on “How to Know When Your Liver Needs a Break” for a lighthearted version of common symptoms of liver fatigue.

And as always, be sure to let me know what you think!

Today I would like to discuss my butt…

Last weekend I got together with some friends that I haven’t seen in a long time.  A very long time.  Four years to be exact.

Being someone who is pretty much neurotic about my weight, I actually remember what I weighed and looked like last time I saw these ladies.  (I know, I’m psycho).  Adding to my crazy, I was super duper relieved that right now I weigh about the same as what they would remember and I can’t even tell you the relief I felt knowing that no one would be inwardly thinking how fat I’d gotten.

Even though I kinda did.  I just lost it again.

But I digress.

The one thing that has changed from then and now is what I’m actually doing for exercise.  Back then I was a cardio queen, regularly swimming biking and running and doing triathlons.  I maintained a healthy weight, but to be honest, I NEVER weight trained.

Now I predominantly weight train and do HIIT, with a few longer slower cardio sessions mixed in just because I love riding my bike.

Pretty much the first words out of one of my girlfriend’s mouths was, “wow, you look great.  Your butt looks SO different.”

I took it as a compliment.

Following the party, I had to know if she was right.  I dug out photos from four years ago, and even older ones.  I found pictures of when the hubs and I were first dating (eek 10 years ago!) and I was “skinny”.

Holy crap she was so SO right.  I have a totally different butt.  I mean, I always had a decent bum, but now it is round and filled out all the way around.  Now I have a GREAT butt.

It’s so great I kinda want to post a picture.  But unfortunately, as I mentioned, I cycle.  And my ass is as lily white as the fresh fallen snow, while from the shorts down I am questionably of hispanic origin.  So that is not going to grace the interwebz anytime soon.

So instead I give you my current fitness obsession, Michelle Lewin and her fantastic bum.  Mine isn’t quite as great as hers, but I’m telling ya kids, I’m going to get there.

michelle lewin

 

So how about you guys?  Anyone seeing great physical improvements lately?  Or how about improvements in performance?  You know I love celebrating accomplishments, so let’s hear em!

 

Hilarious gym antics part… I don’t even know… one thousand?

picking up girls

It’s been an pretty eventful week at the gym kittens.  So eventful that I was inspired to write this amazing post for my friends over at Boozey.

I don’t want to give away any of the details, and frankly I need some page views over at that site.  So click thru and read about when it’s “ok” to flirt with a girl at the gym… (basically it’s not, but you know I didn’t make it THAT simple.)

Enjoy!

Want a laugh?

Hey gang guess what?!  I am officially a freelance writer over at Boozey.com!

My first post is up today and features some of my all time favorite things, Beer, Bacon and Blowjobs.  Click on through for a laugh and to show support!  The more traffic I get, the more they let me write, and I’ve got some great poop and sex stories that I want to share with the world.

Thanks kittens!